In celebration of “Friday Night Lights,” which comes out today and is supposed to be one of the great sports movies of all time, I figured I’d take a look back at some of the greatest sports movies ever.
And I took the liberty to recast them with college football players.
10. Blue Crush — Pro surfer and model Veronica Kay goes for a surfing title while dating star University of Southern California quarterback Matt Leinart. Leinart breaks up with Kay for her much better-looking friend: Pete Carroll. Sue Bird’s got next …wave.
9. White Men Can’t Jump — A documentary profiling NU students trying to get on the goalpoast after upset win.
8. A League of Their Own — After being denied by both the NCAA and NFL, Maurice Clarett joins the Women’s Professional Football League. After being crushed by defensive tackles Rosie O’Donnell and Janet Reno, Clarett breaks down in tears — to which his coach responds: “There’s no crying in football.”
7. Remember the Titans — White people are mad that a black coach, played by Ty Willingham, is leading their team but also want the school to “lower the standards” to let more black players attend the school. The team goes undefeated (we edited out losses to BYU and Purdue), and Ty gets to stay around and coach for another year (maybe).
6. Cool Runnings — Ricky Williams, fresh off his Jamaican citizenship, leads Darren Sproles, Reggie Bush and Cadillac Williams on the Jamaican bobsled team. In the final race, the team wins gold, only to have it taken away when Williams’ IOC drug tests come back positive for marijuana. Williams retires and moves to Amsterdam. He then tries to come back when he realizes he might not have enough money to smoke a pound a day.
5. Field of Dreams — JoePa thinks he hears voices in his head telling him that if he builds a new stadium, ghosts of old players will come back and help his suffering team. After petitioning for the new stadium, Paterno realizes that he’s actually been dead for several years and finally retires.
4. Bull Durham — Mike Price is sent down to the minors. (In other words, UTEP.) In the midst of a great season, he falls in love with an old groupie. Price then remembers he has a wife and already took a stripper back to his hotel.
3. Rudy — A 39-year-old rookie nicknamed “Pops” walks on to the University of South Carolina football team after 20 years of service in the military. Republican leaders question whether he really served and ask that he not be allowed to join the team.
2. Jerry Maguire — Cedric Benson wins an Oscar and makes the “show me the money” scene famous. Benson leaves the set and kicks down someone’s apartment door for the second time, again looking for his plasma TV. He then tries to defend his comment about wanting to win the Heisman more than wanting Texas to beat archenemy Oklahoma by saying: “I’m not as bad as Leon.”
1. Hoosiers — I didn’t watch it, but I think it’s about some school getting its butt kicked by a small, nerdy college somewhere outside Chicago.
Reach Paul Tenorio at [email protected].
