Never heard of Peaches? Here are the essentials. Take notes:

* She dons a wooly beard (think Amish) on her second album, released in September; it’s her follow up to her debut The Teaches of Peaches.

* Oh yeah. It’s called Fatherfucker.

* Her biggest hit, an underground and club smash, is called “Fuck the Pain Away” and it commences with the now famous line: “Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me.”

Heard enough?

Oh, lighten up.

That’s all Peaches — a.k.a. Merril Nisker, a former Canadian high school drama teacher — is saying in her special, albeit X-rated, way. She doesn’t care if you’re offended. But if you can’t even muster a smile, you might want to find your sense of humor.

Add this to your Peaches education:

* She’s part of the now-fading Electroclash movement, a trend in electronic music that prizes images and style over substance.

* She’s unique looking. Peaches sports a big ‘ol curly mullet and pink hot pants (though in her concert at a packed Metro last week, she changed into a tasteful black bodysuit, chiffon robe and a bra and panties for a spell). Peaches’ message? Raunchy is the new art. Revel in it!

* She can actually sing — well. Peaches played dirty for more than an hour, offsetting her rap-like songs with electronic backing tracks (hello, it is Electroclash, so a real band is more like an afterthought) but she sang live, an impressive feat considering the sheer physicality of her stage show. There was rubbing, gyrating, licking and many other activities that can’t be elaborated in this fine publication.

And lest you think the evening was all prurient spectacle — oh wait — it was. But here’s the thing. Folks love Peaches because of her sexual politics. She subverts gender and sexual roles.

Society calls you a freak? Peaches and her fans don’t “give a shit.” She wants you to indulge, to dance and step up. Listen to the teaches of Peaches and learn. A-