Only in a Disney movie can a klutzy tween smoothly transition from ruining a junior high graduation to saving an international pop-music sensation. And only at a Disney movie will the audience believe that they too can achieve superstardom with flowing blond hair and funky orange pants. Granted, half of “The Lizzie McGuire Movie’s” audience has yet to hit puberty.
Modeled after the hit show of the same name, the movie picks up where last season left off: Lizzie and her crew of slightly stereotypical friends leave their junior high years and their parents behind to go to — where else — Rome. But not two days into her trip, Lizzie, played by bubbly blonde Hilary Duff, is approached by Italian heartthrob Paolo because she is, naturally, the spitting image of his estranged singing partner Isabella — also played by Duff, with the addition of a brown wig and a terrible accent. Paolo (Yani Gellman) convinces Lizzie to play hooky with him, much to the chagrin of Lizzie’s love-struck, brooding best friend Gordo (Adam Lamberg).
What follows are way too many montages of Lizzie and Paolo touring the city on the back of his moped — set to a soundtrack most likely scored by Aqua — while literally running into Lizzie’s clueless chaperone Miss Ungermeyer (Alex Borstein) at every cobblestone twist and turn.
In between running hand in hand from tourist trap to Tivoli Gardens, Paolo preys on Lizzie’s good heart by persuading her to fill in for Isabella at the International Music Video Awards and save them from being sued for breach of contract. Luckily, no one notices that the Italian-born Isabella now speaks with a perfect American accent … and only in English.
The closing scene of her Britney-Spears-style performance for a sold out crowd at the award ceremony is toe-tappingly painful. And the catchy, though all-too generic, pop song will be all over Radio Disney tomorrow.
Yet, if you love the show — and you know you do — you’ll love the movie. Every single cheesy, bubble-gum, sugary-sweet, gag-me-with-a-stick minute of it.
