I can’t take it anymore,” 17-year-old Bob Blevins grunts through a mouth full of water.

Crouching down, he tilts back his head and — pfshhhh! — a hazy mist of water shoots out of his mouth and suspends over his black Guinness hat.

This is Blevins’ impersonation of his penis prematurely ejaculating, which he demonstrated on Friday night in front of about 130 people as part of his first-place stand-up comedy routine for The Edge’s comedy finals.

“When I get up on stage, I will say stuff to a whole room of people that I would never say to one person,” Blevins said. “The goal is to make people laugh, and I’m willing to sacrifice my dignity if it gets a laugh.”

Blevins’ eight-minute act, which revolves around his penis having a mind of its own and the inaccuracy of male portrayals in romance novels, won him first place and $400. The comedy competition finals consisted of eight comedians and took place at the Chase Caf*, just off the Red Line’s Jarvis stop.

According to Dave Odd, the creator, producer and host of The Edge comedy competition, the competition runs every Friday for eight weeks, with eight comedians each night. The winner of each contest then competes in the finals for money.

Odd started this competition in August 2002 to help provide a venue for amateur comedians to perform on stage. In addition to the Chase Caf* on Fridays, The Edge has showcases and open mic nights on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Odd, who quit his day job as a salesman last May, spends the other three nights a week going to open mic nights and recruiting new comedians.

“I consider myself the Dr. Dre of Chicago comedy,” Odd said, adjusting his velvet zebra-striped shirt.

According to Odd, the Chicago comedy scene is very similar to lunch tables in high school. “Everyone is separated in their own little groups. It’s not about talent as much as about who you know,” he said.

Blevins said all he knew was that he wanted to perform on stage but was too young to get into many open mic nights held in bars. About three months ago, he posted a message on Chicahahahago, a Yahoo message board, that Odd read.

“The message said, ‘They can send me off to kill Iraqi kids with my bare hands, but they won’t let me do open mics,'” Odd said. “I could tell he’s in my league because he’s sarcastic.”

Odd told Blevins about an open mic night at Frankie J’s on Broadway that he could get into underage. Impressed with Blevins’ act, Odd asked him to perform in a few of The Edge’s showcases and to participate in the comedy competition.

“One of my partners didn’t know how (Blevins) could be coming up with all of that himself and thought he must have been stealing his material,” Odd said. “That’s a major compliment.”

“He reminds me exactly of how I was in high school,” Odd continued. “I was really sharp and really smart, but didn’t like school. Comedy is obviously a true calling for him, and I want to help him achieve his goal.”

Odd has taken on the roll of a manager for Blevins and is helping him find other underage open mic nights he could perform at, or getting him into 21-and-over bars to perform, Blevins said.

In addition to Blevins, Odd has recruited two other underage comedians that he is helping find performance space. Landon Kirksey, a 20-year-old Houston native, is one of Odd’s newest prot*g*s.

“Dave really likes to get talent out there and has a good eye for potential,” Kirksey said. “I’ve seen him watch other people, and he really recognizes someone who has a presence and wants to get at him before anyone else does.”

Kirksey said it was especially hard for him to find performance space because, in addition to being underage, he recently moved to Chicago and doesn’t know the area that well. He found one bar that doesn’t card for open mic nights but said it has a terrible room.

Odd saw Kirksey perform and asked him to do the comedy competition. Kirksey came in second place during an earlier round of the competition.

“As long as he wants me to do shows, I want to do shows,” Kirksey said. “I need as much stage time as possible.”

Both Kirksey and Blevins said the best way to improve is to increase performance time.

“It takes years to refine your style and your stage presence,” Blevins said. “You can immediately tell a polished comic from me. It’s not a difference in material, just experience on stage and relating to the crowd.”

Blevins said he has an advantage over older comedians.

“If I start when I’m 17, I’ll have it down when I’m 21,” Blevins said, “as opposed to people who start when they’re 21, and don’t have it down until they’re 25 or 26.”

Odd said Blevins’ act is pretty good now, and fits in with the raw, edgy comedy his production company promotes.

“You’re not going to hear about airplane peanuts or how wacky reality television is,” Odd said about his shows. “It’s about terrorism or abortion or politics.”

Blevins’ friend and fellow York High School junior Grant Dungan said he was surprised when he heard Blevins was going to do stand-up comedy.

“The first time we heard, we were like ‘Bob’s gonna do comedy?'” Dungan, 17, said. “He’s always been really funny, I just couldn’t see him on stage.”

According to Dungan, Blevins’ humor drew on commentaries on people they knew and inside jokes he and his friends had.

After high school, Blevins said he wants to focus on his comedy rather than go to college.

“I want to do stand-up comedy and do whatever shitty job I have to do before I’m an official comedian,” Blevins said.

The Edge’s comedy competition will start up again March 21. For more information on The Edge go to www.dope- chicago.com. nyou