Each one of us can vividly remember the moment we found out. I was sitting in front of a computer and chatting on AOL Instant Messenger. “Remember that guy Scott,” a friend wrote me. A short pause, and then he said, “Well, I heard he killed himself over winter break.” And that’s how I found out about Scott a year ago – no official e-mail, no counselor there to console me, just a dark room all by myself. To me Scott wasn’t a forgotten acquaintance. He was the first guy I had ever kissed.
Panic set in as I confirmed it with other friends. Selected resident assistants were alerted of the situation, but information was mostly passed through word of mouth. The Daily never picked up the story, since the paper usually doesn’t cover suicide, respecting the painful loss of the family.
But a member of the Northwestern community took his own life, and many of us who considered him a friend found out through speculation and rumor.
Scott committed suicide in the middle of his junior year – a great shock to his friends, some from Willard Residential College and Foster-Walker Complex. Some of his friends chose to keep their stories private. Jessica Krull, a Weinberg senior, shared her memories dating back to freshman year: “We would spend hours debating politics and religion, something about which Scott had a tremendous knowledge and a great passion. I miss him so much it hurts. I can still hear his sarcastic laugh in my head and remember how much joy I got in just seeing him genuinely smile.”
According to a report published in last July’s The Counseling Psychologist, more than one of four male bisexual or gay adolescents has attempted suicide at least once. And even though Scott’s suicide can’t be explained entirely by his sexuality, his story is part of the disturbing trend of suicides by gays across the nation.
Dr. John Dunkle, associate director of Counseling and Psychological Services, said that suicidal gay youths have multiple issues to deal with. “Gays and lesbians having a tough time coming out are at a high risk of suicide,” he said. “Some don’t have gay role models. Some have had families that ostracize them or disown them.”
In the end, we’ll never know what really happened that Winter Break. I’m just frustrated how the information, which was not spread through enough sources, became skewed, distorted and ignored. I’ve heard three different ways that Scott killed himself. Alison Rezabek said that some of his friends don’t even know that he’s dead: “Someone asked me last October, ‘What ever happened to Scott Jones? I haven’t seen him.’ (That was) a full 10 months after he died.” Perhaps if the RAs were alerted or The Daily printed a short blurb, the haziness surrounding Scott’s death would disappear.
I still shudder every time I pass his dorm room, remembering the Teletubby stickers on his window. Every time I meet someone named Scott, an image of his smile comes back to me. I see Scott everywhere, not as a ghost but in the quiet boy down the hall or in the distressed Internet chatter late at night. Reach out to those you care about, because they need to know that you care.
This column is dedicated to Scott Jones and everyone out there who needs a helping hand. If you need help, please find someone or call 1-800-SUICIDE.
