What is hot?

Is hot washboard abs?

Is hot a D-cup?

When hot goes to the beach, does she wear a tankini, a one-piece or a G-string or nothing at all? Does he have a Speedo tan line or does he don trunks?

When hot speaks, does she have a throaty voice or does she whisper sweet nothings? Does hot bite or nibble or suck or lick?

How does hot feel? Is he hard and taut or soft and flexible? Does she feel voluptuous and ample or lean and sinewy?

Is hot extra-extra-large, extra-large, large, medium, small or extra-small? Does he wear boxers or briefs? Does she sleep in a silk nightgown, a pair of old sweats or a man’s oxford button-down, with all but the bottom three buttons fastened?

If you touch hot, is she actually hot? Is she so hot that beads of sweat trickle down her back and between her breasts? When hot gets really hot, does he smell more like man than aftershave?

Do you like that? Or is that too hot for you?

Is hot’s skin fair or dark or one of the endless variants in-between? Is hot European or Asian or African or Latino or Native American or all of the above? Does it matter to you?

Should it?

Could hot be on the cover of Cosmopolitan? How about Business Week? What about both?

When hot gets her hair cut, does she go for a messy pixie cut? Maybe she hasn’t had her hair cut in years, so it brushes the curve in her waist and that little dip in her lower back. Does hot go to the barber to buzz it all off or just when he has to get those thick curls barely out of his dark eyes?

Does hot eschew make-up for that natural glow or does she go all out with liner, mascara, lipstick, concealer and blush? Is hot clean-shaven or a does he have a five o’clock shadow or full-on beard?

Are hot’s eyes blue or brown or green with golden flecks or two different colors or crossed or covered with glasses?

If you were to run into hot on the street, would you stop dead in your tracks, mouth agape, or would you walk past him, then do a double take? Or maybe you’d have to see him sipping his coffee, engrossed in The New Yorker or the Wall Street Journal every morning on the commute to work, until one morning, you realized he was hot?

Is hot only hot in the dark of night after a few drinks?

Do you think hot looks hotter when he’s pensively smoking a cigarette in the rain or when he’s sprinting to finish his daily run? Do you think hot looks hotter when she’s dancing on the bar or when she’s walking along the Lakefill at the dawdling pace of the child whose hand she is holding?

Does hot make you tingle or giggle or scream or sigh? Or can you spend a lazy day with hot on the Lakefill, each of you reading a book, content just to be close?

Are you hot or not, Northwestern?

Does it matter to you?

Should it? nyou