For almost two hours, close to 50 students gathered in Parkes Hall room and talked about death over chocolate cupcakes. The conversations, which took place in small groups, touched on pre-death plans, personal losses and the universality of death.
Despite the topic’s morbidity, SESP second year Aimee Resnick said she organized this event in hopes of lightening the conversation about loss. Evanston Death Cafes, the national movement of Death Over Dinner and Northwestern’s Death Studies research group inspired Resnick to hold an NU-based event.
“It’s kind of like an adaptation of that personal dinner model into something that’s a little more community-based,” Resnick said. “I do hope that the biggest takeaway that they get is a sense of universal human connectivity.”
Resnick said she planned this night for almost a year. She applied for the ASG Wild Ideas Grant to cover costs and has been in contact with various religious and spiritual life departments along with the Death Studies research group and Philosophy department for guidance and support. Inspired by Death Over Dinner, Resnick chose to hold this conversation over cake.
Midway through the planning, Resnick was diagnosed with a rare disease that shifted the meaning of Death Over Cake to her. She said her diagnosis made her realize the importance of having these conversations among a younger audience.
“It stopped me in my tracks and made me realize this is not just a theory as a young person,” Resnick said. “Death is a universal experience, and it’s not correlated with age.”
The challenge was ensuring students knew the conversation was not meant to be religious or heavy but rather an open discussion to inspire curiosity and learning.
For students, loss can manifest in many ways –– not just in death –– like the loss of a friendship or a job. Resnick said she aims to provide an inspiring and empowering space to introduce resources for dealing with loss.
“College kids don’t always feel equipped with the skills that they need to navigate losses of all kinds,” Resnick said.
Some students decided to participate in Death Over Cake to have a space to talk about something that’s not often brought up in conversation.
Rebecca Wilson, a first-year environmental engineering graduate student, said they hope to learn what other people think about death, especially as they believe American society does not talk about death very much.
“I want to know what other people are thinking about death because recently, I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” she said. “Maybe it’s because I graduated college. I’m onto the next step of life, so I’m just interested: What are people thinking?”
Resnick said she hopes these conversations will continue to bring lightness to a heavy topic beyond the event.
Death Over Cake was meant to expand to conversations within close friends and family, she said.
“Just being able to talk about this makes your relationship closer, deeper,” SESP sophomore Louis Lee said. “I want to be able to bring this to my friends, to my family. Talk more about death together.”
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