Pillow Talk: The dos and don’ts of sexting


Laken Howard, Columnist

This Fall Quarter, a horrible tragedy befell me. I was in Media Law and Ethics, and while talking about privacy, the professor asked how many of us engage in “sexting.” Obviously, this was a rhetorical question to be used as an example of a larger concept; the bad news, however, is that my hand shot into the air a split second before I realized how inappropriate the question would be if he actually expected a response. Fortunately, I am clearly not the least bit shy about revealing facts about my sex life/romantic behaviors, and the class got a good laugh at my expense.

Urban Dictionary defines sexting as “the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.”

I once tweeted something along the lines of, “At any given moment, there is a 65 percent chance I’m sexting someone.” (As I type this, there is a 100 percent chance I am.) Perhaps because I’m super open about sex, I deeply enjoy talking to those I’m dating/seeing/f–king about all things sexual. As the definition suggests, it often starts as a friendly conversation about likes and dislikes — “So what’s your favorite position?” — and later develops into a steamy, more personal account of what exactly I wish was happening to my body.

Though not for everyone, the creative challenge of crafting sexts really speaks to me as a writer. I take immense pride in making sure each phrase oozes sex appeal and seeps eroticism. There’s nothing worse than someone who tries and fails to send steamy sexts. Sorry, but I’m not aroused by a man texting me something that sounds like he ripped it straight out of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Half the fun of sexting, to me, is being able to say something sexy in a classy way or, at the very, least using proper f—ing grammar. If you say you “want 2 touch my boobz” the chance of that fantasy coming to fruition is approximately zero.

Aside from the myriad ways suggestive wordplay can be a turn-on, the visual aspect of sexting — hereafter, “sending nudes” — can be immensely pleasurable. Granted, there are only so many angles from which the male and female anatomies can look attractive, but it’s nonetheless enticing to know exactly what another person is working with. While having a conversation about sexual activity, receiving a dick/tit pic can really up the ante. Beware though: It’s always gross to realize you’re receiving a recycled nude and that the sender might actually be in a work meeting and is not, in fact, masturbating to the very thought of you at this very moment. (Side note: Be careful/selective when sending nudes. The Internet definitely still exists, and that is presumably not a place you want your naked body, especially if you’re interested in pursuing a career in politics.)

Sexting, however carnal it seems, is a great way to have an open conversation in which you get to know your partner in an intimate way. It’s not just for long-distance couples who need a way to fill the void. It can be a source of pleasure for anyone who likes to fantasize or even just talk about sex. If all this really isn’t for you, don’t worry; not everyone can get turned on just by discussing sex, even explicitly. The only thing to remember if you want to explore the world of sexting is to be honest, original and creative. For example, don’t say in the heat of the moment that you want a guy to put it up your butt if in fact you definitely don’t want anything up your butt.

Otherwise, just relax, say what you feel and let the rest work itself out. Happy sexting!

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