It’s that time of year again.
Your newsfeed gets clogged with statuses like “Happy Valentine’s Day to my bae! I’ve loved you so much ever since we first met three months, eight days, 11 hours and 27 minutes ago!” Your eyes can’t seem to avert themselves from the Instagram selfies of happy couples feeding each other chocolate-covered strawberries and/or tongue-f–king each other. And God forbid someone in your building gets a ProFlowers box in the mail and you don’t.
I know it’s almost as cliche to hate this holiday as it is to love it now, but I can’t deny that for me, Valentine’s Day has always been a toss-up between a cry-fest and a temper tantrum. Being perpetually single can seem like such a negative thing on Valentine’s Day, so this year, I’ve decided to focus on a V-word I find much more important: vibrator.
Let’s face it: When no one else will do it for you, sometimes you just have to f–k yourself. I’ll never forget the first time my mom mentioned masturbation to me. We were in the car and presumably I was complaining about how single I was, droning on and on about how if nothing else, being single sucked because you’re never sexually satisfied. It was at this point that my mom — being the bad bitch she is — casually mentioned that you can “take care of yourself,” and that you don’t need a man to have an amazing orgasm. Believe it or not, I was 17 at the time and had never tried masturbating before.
It took a while for me to warm up to the idea, but since then, you could say my eyes have been opened. It was even later when I finally took the plunge and bought a cheap vibrator online. They’re such a fun way to explore your own body and learn what you like and dislike. Maybe you only want a bullet vibrator to stimulate your clitoris, or maybe you want one of those giant scary dildos to really liven things up during your solo sessions. You’ll never know unless you try, so check out different kinds of vibrators online and pick one that fascinates you. I currently have my eye on these incredible Leaf vibrators that look like — you guessed it — leaves. They come in a few varieties and each is so elegant and pretty, but they’re also a bit pricey. I guess there’s always next year.
Even if you’re not single, you should still explore the options of self-pleasure and go vibrator shopping. Having your partner use one on you can be a very sexy experience, so open your mind to the possibility of using toys in the bedroom to switch things up this holiday. Plus it’s yours for later when your S.O. goes out of town (or even when he or she is just too lazy to come over).
So this Valentine’s Day, don’t cry because you’re single. Spend the day literally doing you (even sans vibrator if you want), and feel sorry for all the schmucks missing out on the opportunity to love you.
Until next time, stay safe and stay sexy!
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Twitter: @lakenisahorcrux
