“It’s top secret. Not even the NSA knows that.” — President Barack Obama to People magazine on what he’s getting Michelle for her 50th birthday. 

“Last night, I was reading ‘Bridge to Terabithia’ to my kids when Chris Christie showed up and shut it down.” — Conan O’Brien to his Twitter followers. 

“I know I have armpit fat, it’s OK… It’s armpit vaginas.” — Jennifer Lawrence at the SAG Awards.

“If someone could figure out how to combine chocolate with hummus, I could die happy. #chummus” — Rainn Wilson on Twitter.