Almost anyone will tell you cheating is bad. It’s hurtful, it’s dishonest and it’s a sin in most major doctrines. So we should never, ever, ever do it, right?
Unfortunately, the answer isn’t always that simple. Even the most devout can fall prey to the temptations of infidelity. Sometimes it’s just a selfish ploy to have your cake and eat it, too, and then have some other cake after that — which is why it carries a stigma of malice and indulgence. When Tiger Woods’ multiple extramarital flings were exposed in 2010, he received unabashedly cruel feedback from fans and media outlets alike.
Today, 80 percent of Americans believe cheating is wrong, according to a 2008 U.S. News article. That’s more than the 70 percent who held that belief in 1970. An NBC survey from 2007 reports that one in five monogamous adults, or 22 percent, have cheated on their partners.
But sometimes an act of infidelity is indicative of a larger problem in a relationship and can open a dialogue for positive reform. Other times, cheating triggers the much-needed demise of an already-toxic relationship which may have gone on forever without intervention.
If you’re cheating, it might be a meaningless foray you can shrug off, or it could be a possible sign of an underlying problem that needs to be dealt with. Use the flow chart below to determine which is true for you, and what course of action you could take.
Have you cheated more than once?
No: If this was a one-time lapse in judgment, confess to your partner and try to move on. Loving partners will accept that everyone makes mistakes.
Yes: (next question)
Did you cheat with someone of a different sex than your partner?
Yes: If this is a regular thing, your sexual preferences might be different than what you had originally understood. Talk to your partner about taking a break to experiment and figure that out.
No: (next question)
Are you cheating with a person you have strong feelings for?
Yes: Break up with your partner and go be with that person.
No: (next question)
Have you cheated in other relationships, or do you generally struggle with commitment?
Yes: Monogamy isn’t your thing. Break up with your partner and enjoy the single life. You could also consider an alternative relationship style, like polyamory.
No: (next question)
Are you bored with your current relationship?
No: Then why are you cheating?!?
Yes: This is a common problem. If you want to reignite your flame, approach your partner about how to do that. Find a way to keep you both happy and content to the point that cheating won’t even cross your mind. If it still does, then maybe you’re in the wrong place.
