You may have heard tell of a secret organization at Northwestern. They quietly meet in a corner at Nevin’s, discuss the future of the school and hold unspecified but almost certain influence over many elements of NU. They hold clandestine rituals that rival those of mainstream fraternities on campus. More exclusive and arguably more secret than Deru, the group’s roster has never been published in The Daily – until now.

I’m speaking of course of the Tom Hayden Society. Recently, I was invited to join their brotherhood. Over the years, I found hints that such an organization exists, though I didn’t know it at the time. One time I received an email from a student I didn’t know asking me to add two points to a test because I had added the total points incorrectly. I was perplexed, since I couldn’t remember grading any tests, though it’s not unlike me to black out and do strange things. So, I told the guy that maybe he had the wrong person, but I’d update his grade in my own gradebook just in case. I realize now that this wasn’t merely a case of mistaken identity but a plea to the society to fix his unimpressive GPA.

Another time, a student sent me a copy of his final project for some class, apologizing that it was late. Again, I didn’t care for this unsolicited request for approval, so I got annoyed and told the guy to drop the class because of a lack of effort on his part. As I look back at all the hints towards my future role in the Society, one question lingers on my mind: Was this just innocent classwork or something more sinister all along?

I have yet to meet all the members of the Tom Hayden Society, but I can tell that there are many and that their influence is profound. One member, prof. Tom Hayden, has some power in the media, working covertly in the Medill IMC department. Another Tom Hayden is a respected and unassuming graduate student, controlling the grades in the classes he TAs. The connections between the members are tenuous at best, and I have no idea what exactly it is that they want with me. At first I thought it was my connections to the world at large – who better to expand their power outside of Northwestern than an unemployed recent graduate? So when I received that tap on my shoulder and learned that they’d been following me for years, I gladly joined up with them at a ceremony in a dusty corner of Nevin’s.

It turns out, though, that they wanted to use me as a cheerful public face for their seedy underground dealings. Fearing that another Daily exposé of Northwestern’s secrets would unearth and ruin them, they wanted me to use my position as a columnist to announce the Society as nothing to be afraid of, a mere “unofficial club of three people with the same name.” But I can’t do that, not with the guilt that would surely plague me for the rest of my life. So, consider this an act of rebellion for the good of mankind. The Tom Hayden Society exists at Northwestern. Someday we may see our University free of secret clubs with dubious influence and membership, but until then, we can only be aware of their existence.

Tom Hayden is a Weinberg senior. He can be reached at [email protected].