Silence can be golden… but in the bedroom? Not so much. There’s a time and a place for everything and in between the sheets is no place to be shy or quiet. Coming from someone who has two roommates, I know it can be difficult to fully let yourself verbalize the raunchy deeds you wish to be done to you, but I fervently assert that it’s not fun for either partner when the only sound heard is the squeaking of the bed springs. Although not every person is comfortable with or even possesses the vocabulary necessary to score a leading role in the next ‘XXX’ blockbuster, your partner may find it arousing if you’re able to express what it is you want and what feels good when you’re in the throes of passion.

By no means am I claiming that you need to dictate every dirty detail while doing the deed as they do in porn movies, but throwing in a few moans or “yea’s” will likely generate some serious stimulation for your partner. This goes for you, too, gentlemen-I cannot express how utterly awkward it is to have a sexual partner that plays mime during sex; your mate will likely never learn what gets you going and gets your blood pumping. I can guarantee that some sex talk mid-nooky will only heighten the pleasure for both partners-and isn’t that the point of having sex in the first place?

Some of you may feel silly or embarrassed to even know where to begin talking dirty. To start it off, try letting out some moans when your partner is doing something right and eventually try throwing some dirty words into the mix. For you ladies, chances are he’ll be too wrapped up into what his hopefully wrapped-up tool is doing to allow you to ever feel embarrassed about something said during sex. The level of raunchiness you should reach can only be determined by gauging your partner’s reaction to some tamer talk, and then working your way up. One thing that every partner is likely to not only enjoy, but also appreciate, is a heads up of when you’re nearing climax. It allows your partner to get in sync with you for a potential simultaneous orgasm, which is truly an amazing experience.

I should mention, however, that some people just aren’t that into talking dirty-if your partner is one of those people, I suggest cutting out the vivid details and focusing more on the moans, the “yea’s,” and the “that feels good.” If you’re going for the yelling-out-his or her-name thing, make sure you get the right name unless you’re in the mood for some blue balls (and yes, there is a female equivalent of blue balls in case any of you were wondering)

Now I know the bulk of this column has focused on the need to have some sort of communication in the midst of your nooky routine, but there are a few things that may genuinely weird your partner out:

1. Baby talk. Saying insanely dirty words in a high-pitched baby voice is neither sexy nor cute. Generally, most of us tend to not want to think about babies during sex, so keep the baby talk to where it belongs-with actual babies.

2. Calling him “daddy.” Some people may be into this sort of thing, but unless you’re Mackenzie Phillips, I strongly urge you to steer clear from the daddy talk. I highly doubt your man will want to picture his father-or yours for that matter-when he’s attempting to pleasure you. Unless your partner explicitly states that this is a turn on, I would say to leave it out of your bedroom vernacular.

3. Using technical terms. I know we go to Northwestern and are a smart group of students, but using the most technical or biological terms during sex is far from arousing. I’m sure you’ve seen the scene in Van Wilder in which pre-med Dick talks dirty by stating that he is releasing his seminal fluids inside of his journalist girlfriend, and I’m sure it made you all cringe in uneasiness and stimulated nothing more than your gag reflex. Leave the technical terms for bio class.

I will say that the aforementioned list of prohibited dirty-talk topics is not explicitly forbidden from every bedroom-some of our kinkier counterparts can be into a variety of seemingly bizarre types of sex talk. It’s important to communicate with your partner about what he or she likes, dislikes, and utterly detests. The main reason for talking dirty isn’t for your own pleasure, it’s to let your partner know that you’re highly engaged in the action taking place-therefore, if you’re comfortable enough to sleep with the person, I’d sure hope that you’re also comfortable enough to express your carnal desires to one another. I can guarantee that it’ll allow for a severely happy, satisfied, and blue-ball-free sexual partner.