6 unexpected pick-up spots that might lead to sex Yes, this is the Sex Issue, but there’s more to sex than sex. There’s courtship! Remember courtship? No? Maybe that’s because you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. Here, some single Northwestern guys reveal their grand schemes to pick up girls. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST”I became a big fan of hitting up pricey Evanston spas after I noticed that those places are swarming with fine, pampered ladies. I picked up a girl who works at the front desk and I even agreed to get my nose pores micro-vacuumed and my pubes chemically straightened so I could keep the conversation going. Totally worth it!” – Weinberg sophomore HAVE HIS CAKE”I once signed up for the cake decorating mini-course in Norris-level two, of course. Being in the class not only helped my fondant-rolling skills, but it also allowed me to be myself with the ladies-and blow them away with my pastry bag moves. They’re all like, ‘Ooh boy, you like molding marzipan into fun flower shapes in a manner that is congruent with the celebrant’s preferences?’ and I’m all, ‘Uh, yeah!’ Talk about a gold mine.” – SESP junior RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH “I started going to my older sister’s cheerleading practices for two hours every afternoon once I realized it was full of hot girls in spandex. And just because I haven’t hooked up with any of the Ladycats yet doesn’t mean anything. One thing it certainly doesn’t mean is that I’m there to watch my sister dance in spandex. That’s just weird; I don’t know why you’d even say that. Why did you say that? That is so messed up. That’s just weird.” – Weinberg freshman THE HILLS ARE ALIVE”I signed up for theater auditions because the sign-up sheet was nothing but cute, free-spirited drama honeys. I wore only a powdered wig and leggings, and when it was my turn to go, I made my entrance by falling through the ceiling and giving a spoken word performance of ‘The Lonely Goatherd’ from The Sound of Music. Needless to say, the girls think I’m an artiste; they’re circling me like vultures. Plus, now I can feel again.” – McCormick senior THAT GUY”I just hang out at the Keg in a G-string with a sign that says ‘Free Mustache Rides.’ Does the trick like a charm if you ask me.” – Music junior DAIRY KING”I filled half a dozen Gatorade coolers with all this milk I got at Costco and set up an ‘organic dairy stand’ at the farmers market on Oak Avenue and University Place because I know girls like to go to those things. I don’t even have a mini-fridge in my dorm room, nor do I know what to do with these rapidly expiring dairy products, but so many girls hit on me. They died over my ‘chicks’ pun, because ‘chicks’ can mean girls or baby chickens. I know: genius.” – Communication junior