I get it, the job market is tough; the least I can do is provide a solid cover letter from which you might glean some pointers. (And by the way, dear die-hard Daily readers, I wrote this before Mac LeBuhn was even conceived.) Looks like somebody’s going to have to change her first name to “Career” and her last name to “Services,” am I right?To Whom It May Concern: I am submitting the enclosed resume for consideration of the position of Social Media Coordinator for the Illinois Turnpike Authority. Several hours spent using the Internet has given me the hands-on experience necessary to help your organization establish an online presence. With my profound understanding of the Web 2.0, I will build the dynamic community of Illinois Turnpikers you seek to boost your bottom line.

One of my key qualifications is that I am an expert across multiple social media platforms, including MySpace, Twitter and AdultFriendFinder. Although these sites are free and accessible to anyone who can mash his fat fingers into a keyboard, I am confident I can shape the Turnpike into a hip entity people will use to define themselves. Here’s an idea: Now that Pizza Hut has changed its name to “The Hut” and Radio Shack “The Shack,” isn’t it time we call it “The Ill Pike?” That’s step one: rebranding and creating that personal connection to the pavement via the Web. I am capable of making your organization a customized Facebook fan page, which ought to get the ball rolling.

With a modest budget of $85,000, I will sign your organization up for every kind of account and fill out every profile. I am the perfect candidate for the job because I’m highly skilled at making friends on the Internet. For instance, a woman from Zimbabwe named Carol offered to make me a custom fake ID some years back, and though I never heard from her again after I wired her 350 Euros through Western Union, I still consider her a friend. Having maintained a LiveJournal throughout my pubescent years, I am well equipped to start an Illinois Turnpike blog. While my blogging skills usually tend toward cat photos and video game cheat codes, I can quickly adapt to cover the zeitgeist of the road. I plan to create a hub of breaking news and thoughtful discussion spanning all the hot turnpike topics: celebrity sightings, dead zones for cell phone service, that Roy Rogers that caught on fire near Exit 17A – you name it.

Moving on to the Skills section of my resume, you may note that I am proficient in DJing. While I’ve never physically touched a vinyl record, I’m adept with Garage Band and am available to play you my mash-up of “The Cotton Eyed Joe” and Ludacris’s “Move, B****” (cleverly rebranded “Move, Cotton Eyed B****”). Provided I am given a set of noise-canceling headphones and two MacBook Pros per quarter of my tenure, I can make you a playlist upon request.

I am enthusiastic about exploring new social media opportunities with the Illinois Turnpike Authority, though first I should say I prefer to receive my salary and creative budget via PayPal rather than in burlap sacks of change from tollbooths. With that pesky little issue off my chest, I will contact you soon to schedule an interview at a mutually convenient time. Thank you for your consideration.