“Ex-gay ministries,” organizations that try to transform homosexual people into heterosexuals, are ineffective, an openly gay man told a group of about 35 people at the University Christian Ministry.

The University Christian Ministry and Rainbow Alliance brought Shawn O’Donnell to campus to talk about his experience with Exodus International, an interdenominational Christian organization that tries to “equip Christians to minister the transforming power of the Lord Jesus Christ to those affected by homosexuality,” according to its Web site.

“There’s no way for (the ex-gay ministries) to actually give legitimate statistics about who they have reformed,” O’Donnell said during the question-and-answer session. “I have friends who are in Exodus and married, but they still have homosexual thoughts.”

O’Donnell said he had his “first gay experience” when he was ten. He said he decided to be heterosexual after his “friend” turned straight.

“I decided I would be ultra-Christian,” he said. “If you were gay, I told you off.”

O’Donnell said his attitude changed when he had sex with a fellow missionary on a trip to Mexico. He tried to suppress those feelings, he said.

“After that, I would go to church and lay in front of the altar and pray that God would take it away from me,” he said. “I would beg – plead – to make me not gay.”

Before he turned 21, he tried to commit suicide, he said. O’Donnell said he went to an organization named Love in Action International in California, a ministry affiliated with Exodus.

The group held Bible study and group meetings in which they tried to “cure” the members, O’Donnell said.

“I thought I was cured,” he said. “I wasn’t having sex, and I wasn’t having any thoughts.”

But O’Donnell said he felt sad when he realized he was still gay even though he had tried to suppress it.

“I didn’t feel any better.’ he said. “I actually felt worse because if anybody had tried not to be (gay), it was me.”

O’Donnell left the ministry when he realized he was still gay, he said.

“After a while I thought, ‘This isn’t working,'” he said. “I was still having these feelings and still having these thoughts.”

After he left the ministry, O’Donnell left organized religion but retained his spirituality, he said.

“Now I believe that God loves me no matter what,” he said. “I feel sad at the way the Church has responded to this issue. The Bible has been used as a weapon, and it should not be.”

O’Donnell said he thinks his Christianity and homosexuality are compatible.

“I’m definitely still a Christian and believe in God and Christ,” he said. “Me being gay and me being a Christian are just two parts of who I am.”

During the question-and-answer session, O’Donnell said he does not know for sure whether homosexuality is due to nature or nurture.

“I believe God created me to be gay, but I can’t prove that scientifically,” he said. “I can’t say it’s nature and I can’t say it’s nurture.”

Leslie Gittings, a co-president of Rainbow Alliance, said O’Donnell helped challenge misconceptions that some people might have.

“I think everyone can agree, on a secular level, that (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) people are equals and should be treated equally,” the McCormick junior said. “Some people, depending on where they come from, are trained to believe God doesn’t love GLBT people. People need to understand that the best Christians know God loves all people regardless of race, gender or sexuality.”

Elena Tsinikas, a peer minister at UCM, said it was important to have the program in a church.

“I think there needs to be more than one view of the Church,” the SESP senior said. “People think Christians will harm GLBT people, but there are churches out there who love and accept people.”

Philip Paulson, a Weinberg freshman, attended the meeting. He said the talk helped him gain another perspective in the issue.

“I thought it was interesting,” he said. “It was a double perspective that I have never had because I’m neither Christian nor gay.”

Reach Ketul Patel at [email protected].