In the words of John Wayne – I think, at least he should have said this – there’s a new sheriff in town.

Troy might enjoy blowing kisses to himself in the mirror and saying, “I love you, Troy,” as the picture in the production office at The Daily illustrates. But I know how to slay a giant, and that takes a real hero.

I even walked past the defeated beast of Troy to take on the rest of the Northwestern community and took them down, too. As you can see for the first time all year, there was no contest winner last week. 11-1, one loss for the one time I – nevermind.

For most heroes, it’s especially hard to keep the ladies away, and the attention pouring down on you is more than you can contain. But this is only for most heroes, the ones so caught up with personal accolades that they surround themselves with love and attention.

And this is definitely not me, as evidenced by my miserable dance party last week held at The Gallery where I had to employ SAE mercenaries to bring ladies. I did have a brief visit from a certain Northwestern sports team, but they left in five minutes because it was so bad.

Yes, I prefer to take a more solitary path in life, but not to the same extent as the cutters living in Plex. I spend my days writing messages on people’s facebook walls, coordinating group pokes of attractive girls in my sociology class, text messaging exes, creating self-indulgent house ads (Viva la Silka was a personal favorite), playing pranks on my socially challenged flatmates and making fun of my fellow Daily staffers, especially Angela and her forsaken love of Teddy, who is now “spending lots of quality time with Sarah.” Sorry, Brian, you had to find out sooner or later.

I know Troy seals all his columns with a “See you next week.” But I, on the other hand, will employ a different approach.

Since I am willingly throwing Fearless Forecasters this week – as attested by my pick of Maryland, sorry Nish – because of my shared hatred of this column with Robert and Tania – I guess that ’s the only reason they keep losing – I leave you with this.

Adios, until I feel like seeing you again.

Reach Zach Silka at [email protected].