My longest relationship so far was just over three years. It was with my lime green clamshell iBook. You know, the funky colored kind with a handle you could carry like a purse. We went through so much together — unemployment, moving, travel. But alas, she had to be retired last year. Her hard drive growled and it became embarrassing to take her out in public. And she couldn’t handle Wi-Fi.

So I got a new laptop. And we’ve never really hit it off. I just haven’t felt like I could depend on her. I mean, I appreciate her features and functions. She really can do more than the old machine. And Wi-Fi rocks. But I’ve never felt the bond.

Is it this lack of a bond that is causing her to behave badly? Can she detect my suspicion of her? Regardless of the reason, I’ve found myself with a semi-functioning computer for the past couple of months. Every time I’m just about to completely give up and go buy a new one, she starts working normally again. And then I do something stupid like have five programs open at the same time and put in a DVD and she freaks out again. And the cycle repeats.

I know some people find relationship analogies stupid, but I really do feel like I’m in a relationship with my computer. We spend a lot of time together and I depend on her. Now I feel out of control in regard to my computer and I hate it. I have put so much into the relationship lately. I’ve run disk utility and taken her in for diagnostic testing and had my friend work on her and read approximately 1 million message boards online. I don’t feel like she’s giving me much back.

I have a hard time giving up on relationships. And not just relationships with computers. I suppose I can look at this loyalty as a positive trait. But now I just feel betrayed by my computer.

This machine that knows my secrets (well, at least the ones I write in e-mails) and holds my photos has turned on me. And I don’t speak its language. I don’t know how to communicate with it. It isn’t just a financial hassle to get a new one. It’s also having to set up and install everything and get it all customized.

At what point to I admit that my computer is just a lemon? Like some cars which just seem to be bad no matter how you take care of them, is that how this piece of machinery is? When do I give up?

In the grand scheme of things, a computer isn’t an especially big purchase. But I’m in a semi-nomadic stage of life these days. My laptop is one of the few things that actually goes with me when I move from place to place. So I take the idea of a breakup very seriously.

Amanda Wolfman is a Medill graduate student. She can be reached at [email protected]