I’m Troy Appel and I’m reporting for duty!
A pretty sad way to start a column, right? Well, that’s just the way Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry began his acceptance speech at his party’s convention in July, attempting for around the one billionth time to remind us that he was a hero in Vietnam.
It failed. Everything he has tried has failed.
With seemingly every attempt at showing toughness, creativity and vision falling flat, it’s time for an Extreme Campaign Makeover.
John: Dumb down the talk, ask your supporters to retract their claws, think of just one original policy idea or campaign innovation and your run for the Oval Office will be invigorated — all without a single injection of Botox.
First thing: Stop showing off.
Bush might stumble over words and not possess “intellectual curiosity,” but Democrats need to learn that these so-called flaws only help Bush with the average voter.
Seeing the Commander in Chief commit flubs and screw-ups in his repertoire only stand endear him with your “average Joe.” Bush is a nice guy and that goes a long way in elections.
There has not been a presidential election in recent memory where the candidate with the the better personality lost. Whether you like it or not, likeability often is the deciding factor in elections.
Kerry gives the impression of being considerably more policy savvy than Bush, but lacking the ability to put it in layman’s terms. Bill Clinton was just as smart as Kerry, but had that transcendent quality Kerry lacks.
Bush’s fundamental tenets of letting taxpayers keep more of their money, enforcing high education standards and removing brutal dictators provide a package that is much easier to grasp.
Who cares if world leaders would like Kerry more? They are not voting in this election.
In 2000 it appeared Al Gore knew the Bush health care and Social Security plans better than Bush did himself. What did that score? Five electoral votes too few, that’s what.
I advise Kerry to treat the upcoming debates like the first day of class: Answer the questions you’re asked, but don’t ask for extra homework.
Secondly, the great passion of rank-and-file Democrats might be hurting the case for Kerry.
Seeing people call the president a “war criminal” and crashing the Republican National Convention with over-the-top rhetoric can only lead to voters cooler to Kerry asking whether or not they want to hitch their wagon to the candidate those extremists are backing.
Kerry himself proved in the primaries that moderate politics triumphs over the Looney Left. The pacifists and environmentalists need to realize that they aren’t in the mainstream in America.
Finally, let’s see some creativity.
Kerry has been playing copycat to Howard Dean on the blog and MeetUps — not to mention changing strategy in Iraq — and needs a bold campaign innovation or an exciting plan. While Bush has spoken of a national sales tax, Kerry has been unable to even think of a slogan that nicely fits on a bumper sticker.
Everything’s there for John Kerry: indifferent economy, unrest in Iraq and Osama bin Laden still at large. This isn’t Massachusetts; the (D) next to his name can’t be the only thing that leads him to victory. Without some serious changes, the only place he’ll be reporting for duty is his $6.9 million home in Boston.
Troy Appel is a Medill junior. He can be reached at at
