Just open your ears and you’ll find out that Northwestern students are fumbling and flailing their way through relationships.

Idiotic maneuvers by boyfriends/pseudo-boyfriends/”that guy, what was his name?” are recounted at every turn. But, gentlemen, when you do something right, we find it just as compelling. So let’s all brush up on our interpersonal skills with one of these books and really have something to gush over.

Sadly, Fate and Reil’s “How to Have Sex with Hot Girls” is out of print. Try Ron Louis and David Copeland’s “How to Succeed with Women” ($15) instead. Chapters like “You can be a nerd and still score” and “Three ways to make your car into a rolling seduction chamber” might be particularly relevant. Seven Dating Myths are posited, and the index includes everything from “Babies, meeting women using” to “Bitch Goddess, as type to avoid.” You’ll laugh your way through it and emerge with some surprisingly helpful new game.

Ladies, pick up “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl — A Women’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship,” ($15). Author and comedian Sherry Argov points out the pitfalls of being “too nice,” in this wildly popular paperback. In her Amazon.com reader review, “Lori” from Calgary said: “This book teaches women how to be street-wise in a not-so-perfect game of love.” Argov reminds us not to get lost in our relationships, to always expect more and if we feel like it, call first. Fear not, fellas. The idea is to move from clingy to cool and confident.

Looking for something more serious? Read Neil Clark Warren’s “Date…or Soul Mate? How to Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less” ($15). In fact, you should do his “Must Haves and Can’t Stands” exercise right away. If you list your top ten “must have” and “can’t stand” qualities in a mate, you can screen newcomers without being overly picky. Does new-hook-up-boy/girl exhibit more than one can’t stand? Move on.