Unless you have been sleeping for the past few weeks, I am sure that you are all aware that it is cold outside. Very very cold outside. In theory, the best way to counteract the cold is to find another warm body. But winter is not a very sexy season. People tend to want to put more clothes on, not take them off.

I was on a shuttle on the way home from Chicago last weekend, listening to two people complain about their lack of play. “I haven’t seen action in the past two months,” one of them said

“That’s nothing,” complained another, “I haven’t gotten any in four months.”

Now, having dropped Logic — warning to freshmen: this is Not, I repeat Not, an easy class — I do not claim to be an expert on the subject, but to me the logical solution here would be for the two of them to get off the bus, go back to one of their rooms and, then get it on.

They did not do that.

Apparently, for them, it was enough to take solace in each other’s misery…I mean celibacy.

But if collective misery isn’t enough to keep you warm, there are always people you can count on to keep the friction going between the sheets.

Recyclables. Every group has at least one. This is the guy — or girl — who gets passed around, more than a bowl of chips at a Super Bowl party. He or she is reliable in the same way that Golden Retrievers are reliable: they are persistent, dogged, and always around….

However, this guy or girl is too tainted to ever become true boyfriend/girlfriend material. They are like appetizers at restaurants. You can try to make them into the main course, but they will never leave you completely satisfied.

Friends. If you’ve run out of potentials, or you are too lazy to go out and meet other people, friends are convenient sources of play. There is a reason, afterall, that you are friends; you obviously like each other, you enjoy each other’s company, and admit it, at one point in your friendship you’ve both thought about what the other person would look like naked, or in bed.

Complications arise, though, if one of you starts getting too attached. If you do decide to go this route, proceed with caution: this is one of the best ways for friendships to end.

Hairdressers/Nail technicians/etc. You already know that they’re good with their hands and they know how to make you look and feel good. The downside, though, is that their hair and nails will always look better than yours. And God knows how hard it is to find a good hairdresser if things go awry.

Exes. Sex with your ex is comforting. You know each other, you know what the other likes, there is virtually no thinking involved in the act.

But there is a reason why they are your ex. Stay with them long enough and you will eventually remember exactly what that reason was.

Other couples. Since there are so few people at Northwestern getting laid on a consistent basis, I think it’s only fair for them to share the wealth.

However, I was unconvinced that this actually happened at Northwestern until a friend informed me otherwise. In three weeks, she’s been propositioned twice. This seems to be the ideal situation. But three people in a bed — even if it’s an extra long twin — can get crowded.

For the rest of us, be cheered: only 29 days till Spring Break.