Trudging through the mud toward Beaver Stadium, the last thing I needed to see was man tits in the morning. It was cold, it was wet, Penn State fans were asking us what state Northwestern was in, and my stomach was still recovering from $3 Long-I-Lands at The Roadtrip Lounge. Fine time for a strip tease, no?
Kasses seemed to think so.
In what was undeniably more revolting than NU’s 49-0 sob story, Kasses, without word or warning, pulled off his shirt, waited several agonizing seconds, then slipped on the purple pride.
Most of the Lions faithful didn’t look up from their Yuenglings, but I saw, all right. Blinded by the white, it was hard to get it out of my mind. Let’s just say Phil Mickelson’s got some competition.
I’ll admit it. I’m being tough on Kasses. But it’s been so long since I’ve had the chance to sound off, and I have some pent-up aggression. And, after all, Kasses has been topping the Forecasters charts. But his fatal flaw, like most Bostonians, is a refusal to listen to reason. Last week the Jeffs ate it; this week it’ll be the Eagles.
Moving on to Benjamin, who’s bubbling for basketball season and particularly Sunday’s Big Ten media day. See, at last year’s media day, Benj got a free “overnight bag” (the rest of us call it a duffel) that she “uses all the time!” Hmm. There will be no love this weekend for Benj and ‘Bama. Tennessee ebbs the Tide.
Donnelly entered the wonderful world of adolescence this week, sprouting a Jim Rome-like goatee in hopes of forging a career in softcore porn. Benj, you may have company at the Deuce soon. He’s blooming late, ladies, but at least he’s beating Badger in the race to adulthood. Speaking of juvenile, picking Penn State won’t help the process. Ohio State spits up all over the Lions.
Last we come to Sampson, our right-wing entry from San Francisco. Go figure. At first I thought this guy just went by Sampson, kind of like Prince or Sting. I got one for you this week — Loser. The Domers have returned to glory.
Did ya miss me? Don’t worry, I’ll be back next week. But first things first: Has anyone seen my shirt?
