The banner for “Let’s Talk Sex with the Rabbi” outside the Technological Institute last week illustrated the word “sex” with a devil’s horns and tail and “Rabbi” with an angelic halo. This portrayal of sex in opposition to religion is exactly the myth Rabbi Michael Mishkin wishes to dispel, he told about 25 students Sunday afternoon.
Amy Steinhauer, a therapist with Evanston’s Womencare Counseling Center, and Dr. Michelle Goldin, a gynecologist in Arlington Heights, joined Mishkin to discuss sex from psychological, health and Jewish perspectives at the Fiedler Hillel Center.
Mishkin opened the discussion with comments aimed at deconstructing the dichotomy of sex and religion. He spoke of the divine nature of human sexuality.
On the first five days of creation, God proclaimed his work as good, Mishkin said. On the sixth day, after the creation of man with all his drives and desires, God proclaimed his work as very good.
Human sexuality, when practiced in the proper context, is not something bad, Mishkin said. Sex receives an elevated status when practiced in a fully consensual manner within a marriage.
Jewish teachings prohibit sex when partners are drunk, fighting, being forced into it, or under any other circumstance that lessens the totally consensual nature of the act, Mishkin said. Partners are encouraged to enjoy sex, as it serves not only procreation but also companionship.
To give a therapist’s perspective of the subject, Steinhauer then talked about the psychological and emotional nature of sex. Steinhauer listed two main reasons for problems among people regarding sex: acting without thinking and a lack of informed discussion.
“I think the lack of communication and information is due to a lack of good language to deal with the issue of sex,” Steinhauer said. “It seems that words are either cold and clinical, or demeaning ‘street speak.'”
For example, Steinhauer once surveyed a room full of people on where they first learned about sex. About 80 percent said they learned from either pornography or abusive relationships.
Stein said she keeps an open mind, realizing that everyone’s morals are not the same, and believes people can best prevent problems by thinking about their actions.
“I really encourage conscious and informed choices,” Steinhauer said.
Goldin commented on the health risks of having sex, namely sexually transmitted diseases. People between the ages of 15 and 19 are at the highest risk for STDs, Goldin said, and women in that age group are currently at the highest risk for acquiring HIV.
Regardless of its moral consequences, casual sex is still dangerous health-wise, Goldin said. She reminded the group that the only 100 percent safe form of sex is abstinence, but condoms, when used correctly, are still a highly effective form of protection.
“Although it is generally recommended, not all gynecologists automatically check women for sexually transmitted diseases, so it is important to mention it to your doctor if you want to be tested,” Goldin said.
The panelists fielded questions from the audience regarding homosexuality, contraception and open relationships, among others. The group session was followed by smaller discussion groups to continue questions and answers and discuss Jewish dating on campus.
Music sophomore Elisheva Margulies said she enjoyed the discussion.
“It was very comforting to talk about sex openly with a rabbi and in a religious setting,” Margulies said. “The panel was great in that they were so diverse in what they had to say.”
