‘My first impulse was to fall upon the cook,” wrote Edmondo de Amicis, a 19th-century traveler. “In an instant I understood perfectly how a race who ate such food must necessarily believe in another God and hold essentially different views of human life from our own. There was a suggestion of soap, wax, pomatum, of unguents, dyes, cosmetics; of everything, in short, most unsuited to enter a human mouth.”
Though de Amicis was describing his distaste for Moroccan cuisine, this also is precisely how I felt about returning to the dining halls after living off campus for the past 10 months.
Waking up in an apartment and leisurely making eggs and coffee for breakfast beats the hell out of consuming the mass-produced fare served in Sargent’s dining hall.
But those days are over and I’ve had to get used to the new regime.
It’s been particularly difficult because I am – or was – a discriminating eater, to put it delicately. And people who avoid food are as troubled as people who avoid sex, except that the latter are more likely to seek psychiatric help. Food-phobics rationalize their problem in the name of genetic inheritance, faux allergies, vegetarianism, matters of taste, nutrition and so forth.
Sometimes I stare at people eating and wonder if they have real allergies or have had a fear of bagels at any time in their lives.
Food-phobes are disregarding biology. We as humans were designed to be omnivores, eating everything. Blessed with all-purpose chompers and digestive systems, we are ready for anything: tuna salad, cheeseburgers, artichokes – you name, we can eat it. Unlike other animals, our genes do not tell us what foods we should find tasty or repulsive. We enter the world with a yen for sweets and an aversion to bitterness. Later we develop a fondness for salt. And that’s that.
The nifty thing about being omnivores is that we can take nourishment from an endless variety of sources and easily adapt to crop failures, droughts, restaurant closings, etc. Squirrels will starve in a bistro and raccoons in a dessert bar, but not we.
So, mindful of being a healthy omnivore, I decided to conquer my food fears.
I first thought of all the foods I detested: kidneys, kidney beans, okra, chickpeas, anchovies and anything that had to do with beef.
I immediately made reservations at Merle’s Steakhouse, bought a tin of anchovies, searched for restaurants with the name “Parthenon” or “Olympia” (which I believe are required by statute for Greek restaurants) and brought a pot of water to boil for chickpeas.
This process took me two weeks, but by the end nearly every food aversion was gone. Now I even yearn for chickpeas and prefer the falafel at Olive Mountain to that at Mount Olympus.
I am ready to fearlessly take on Allison, the Plex, or even Willie’s Food Court.
So join me in conquering your food phobias. But don’t hold the poor quality of the dining hall food against food in general.
Good food is out there – trust me.