The most important statistics from Saturday’s spring game won’t ever appear in any kind of box score or game summary. The best indicators of how it went are right here: zero limps, zero bloodstains and zero sweats broken.

In other words, the game was a complete success.

Die-hards who showed up expecting a sneak peak at 2000 Wildcats football left sorely disappointed. Spring games are more about publicity than pummeling. Marketing stunts abound but linebacker stunts are few and far between.

Sure, coach Randy Walker says he wants players willing to earhole their own mothers. But there’s nothing maternal about quarterback Zak Kustok, just quick feet and good timing on the slant patterns. Maybe that’s why he was exempt from contact.

The light-blue jersey he wore Saturday protected him from punishment. Anyone who tagged Kustok with anything more than an aggressive two-hand touch was liable to have his scholarship revoked.

Instead, the hardest hits came after the game, when pint-sized NU fans staged scenes straight from “Lord of the Flies” while scrambling for Easter eggs scattered across Ryan Field.

But that was the point of the spring game anyhow. Anyone who wanted to see some actual football could have attended a few of the other scrimmages played earlier this spring.

Those scrimmages, like Saturday’s spring game, included touchdowns, tackles and turnovers.

But the spring game, unlike the other scrimmages, also included the Easter bunny, the Lady Cats and an audience.

Most people came to Ryan Field with their children, who were allowed on the field before the game (to stretch with the players), and after the game (to pummel each other in search of Easter eggs).

Walker talked about trying new things and evaluating some of his players, but this game was mostly about entertainment. Depth-chart changes are made daily under Walker, so it’s not like players sealed their fates with sublime or substandard performances.

Keep that in mind when evaluating the fun-and-gun offense on display Saturday. The no-huddle offense and four-wideout formations gave the Cats a fresh look, especially after a season where the signature play was a draw up the middle on third-and-long.

But Walker is a no-frills guy who has coached a two-back, run-oriented offense since before most of his current players were born. If Joe Montana took the snaps and Jerry Rice was running routes, maybe Walker considers scrapping the playbook.

Instead, the NU offense will once again run through tailback Damien Anderson. It’s not pretty, which is one reason why it was shelved for the spring game.

Walker didn’t even hand the light-blue jersey to Anderson. He made the tailback sit out the game to avoid any chance of injury.

Still, the game played at Ryan Field bore a strong resemblance to football. There were some nifty runs, a couple of pretty touchdown passes and an interception.

Some of the players even had grass stains on their uniforms by game’s end.

But it was nothing more than a grand dog-and-pony show. It was good, clean family fun.

It just didn’t mean much.