Holiday Guide

With the holidays fast approaching, we find ourselves caught up in the gift-giving frenzy once more. We often forget that giving to ourselves is a legitimate way to celebrate a year of hard work (read: procrastination and Netflix), and what better way to treat ourselves this Christmas than to make sure we stay on top of the hottest clothing trends. Don’t miss this invaluable chance to outshine all your beloved friends and family with your superior fashion intellect. Gain the extra edge you need to be the Gianni Versace in a group of Grinches with these fashion tips.

Item: Ugly Holiday Sweaters
Verdict: Ahh, the beloved ugly sweater party, a staple this time of year. This is an excellent chance to convey your dedication to style. Why wear an ugly sweater when you can tattoo a sweater silhouette onto your torso? The chicest way to rock the ugly sweater is to BE the ugly sweater.

Item: Timberland boots that every single person in your Introduction to Sociology class is wearing
Verdict: Look, Timbs fresh from the shoebox aren’t exactly the most unique addition to your arsenal. They’re actually the least. That being said, they are practical, timeless, and any product worn by both Jay-Z and Jimmy Fallon is good enough for you.

Item: Fratagonia jacket
Verdict: Bro, like yeah, dude. Seriously, no freakin way, bro. 5 degrees below zero, bro. Isn’t this fleece, like, mad soft and warm? 10/10 would recommend.

Item: Weird monotone oversized clothing
Verdict: As much as we want it to be the holiday season, it’s still #YeezySeason. It’s up to you to push the minimalism to the point of sartorial nihilism. Do as little as you could possibly do — look to Dobby the house-elf (rest in peace) for inspiration. A ripped potato sack and maybe a sock, if it’s a formal occasion, will do you just fine. Be absolutely sure to splurge on this look, because it is a timeless trend that should last you into winter and beyond.

Item: Anything to hide the Freshman 15
Verdict/Solution: Do you remember that movie where Tim Allen became Santa Claus? Well, The Daily remembers. Here’s what you need to do to: Buy a Santa outfit, remove the fat suit portion of the costume, proceed to be in character till New Year’s Valentine’s Day Fourth of July. If anyone gets suspicious about why you won’t take the suit off, tell them you joined a holiday-themed heavy metal band called Satan Claus and the Pain-deer. Gnarly.

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