Holiday Guide

The holiday season is upon us, and along with it comes the inevitable routine of pretending to be happy about getting well-meaning but terrible Christmas presents. There’s the method of complimenting everything but the actual gift itself — “Oh my gosh I LOVE the packaging!” — the false promise of how much you’ll use it every day, and let’s not forget the classic combination of fake smile, crazy eyes and excessive nodding to feign enthusiasm. But this year, with a guide of presents of what not to give anyone (unless this person is terrible or just has questionable taste), no one will have to repeat the charade. With this list in hand, you will be an expert gift-giver and actually get genuine enthusiasm from those on the receiving end.

Gifts to avoid giving:

1. “Coupons”

I used to give my mom handmade coupons for things she could redeem like “one free hug” and “two hours of chores,” which seems cute but may I remind you that I did it for two years and stopped when I was 12. If you are past the age of 9, this kind of shenanigan is not going to fly anymore. Put some effort into it.

2. Candles, lotion, basically anything from Bath & Body Works

Gifts of this variety say to someone, “I was in here anyways for a buy-5-get-100-free-hand-soap sale, so enjoy whichever product I liked the least and decided to give away. Happy holidays.” It’s a gift reserved only for second cousins and co-workers you kind of hate.

3. Something pointing out someone’s flaws

A boy in my middle school made the genius choice of giving a girl he’d been dating for three months a Proactiv acne kit as a Christmas gift. Rookie mistake there, bud. Unless you know them well or they actually requested it, giving someone anything involving the words “acne,” “slimming” or “diet” is the perfect recipe for a fight. Christmas is the time for joy and generosity, not for reminding people of their flaws/terrible life choices.

4. Anything you can find at The Home Depot

Yes, we all need Windex and light bulbs, but actually giving someone any of these items sends the message that you find them so boring that when you’re with them you can only think about draining your bathtub.

5. A present that is actually for you

Getting your roommate that new rug you’ve been eyeing or snagging your significant other, who has no interest in musical theatre, two tickets to that play you’ve been dying to see is a low-key selfish move. Instead of making it seem like you only care about your own needs, try giving someone a gift that genuinely focuses on their interests or hobbies.

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