For those of you who aren’t one of my 261 Twitter followers, you don’t know how obsessed I am with the site. I have tweeted more than 11,000 times and I constantly find new ways to annoy my followers with banal remarks and occasional over-shares. I know many people are still either anti-Twitter or merely indifferent, but I want to try to persuade all of you that Twitter is a magical land of procrastination leagues ahead of Facebook.
Here are four outrageously funny and retweet-worthy Twitter accounts that might convince you to make an account of your own so you can start following some hilarious people.
@kendall_thought
This parody of the second-youngest member of the Kardashian/Jenner clan has at times had me literally weeping in class. Whoever runs the account mocks the rich, materialistic teen and makes her out to be even more spoiled than she is in reality. Maybe because I already find that whole family over-the-top ridiculous, I think this Twitter could sadly be mistaken for Kendall’s real account, @KendallJenner. It could be wrong of me, but I never fail to get a laugh out of imagining Kendall getting lost in her mansion for 11 days.
@yourawaymessage
Definitely my favorite Twitter account at the moment, Your Away Message is a throwback to the days of AIM, breakups and middle school drama. The account references “Laguna Beach,” pop-punk lyrics and the typography of the era that we probably all remember too well. Though at first the tweets were unrelated, there is now an ongoing plotline involving the narrator and fictional characters named Maggie, Jake and Mike. This fake drama keeps me captivated more than I care to admit in print.
@IsitChrristmas
This account is one of those simple yet somehow laugh-out-loud funny accounts that pops up in your timeline as a retweet and surprises you with how random it is. The gist of the account is self-explanatory: they remind you several times a day that it is in fact NOT Christmas in different words such as “nope,” “not yet,” and just flat out “NO!” I can’t express how anxious I am for Dec. 25, just to see how crazy this Twitter gets when it’s finally its time to shine.
@chanelpuke
Honestly, describing this account is pretty difficult. For me, these tweets are things I think of but never say aloud. I constantly have to remind myself that it’s not normal to retweet every single tweet someone posts when I read through this Twitter feed each day. Everything from blatant self-deprecation to those weird things many of us do without realizing others do them as well are made funny by this Twitter account. I think the lack of punctuation might have something to do with why I find it funny: each tweet reads as a quick, random thought not unlike one of my own. The funniest part might also be its avatar: an unflattering picture of Miley Cyrus with about five chins.
To better understand the hilarity of these Twitter accounts, go online and check out more of their tweets. If none of these strike your fancy, you should still consider getting a Twitter for other reasons, like talking to your friends or people you wish you were friends with (shameless plug: @lakenisahorcrux) or following news sources (such as @thecurrentnu). Happy tweeting!