If you’re looking for thrills, surprises, laughs and tears, the Oscars really isn’t the show for you. While the coveted awards ceremony manages to keep millions of people tied to their couches for three hours (not including the lengthy red carpet coverage beforehand), the awards themselves are usually pretty dull and formal. Other award ceremonies bring to the table a sense of irony as they make fun of the fact that hours of time are being spent commending actors whose egos could collectively take up the whole of Russia. It’s the job of an awards ceremony to somehow make this three-hour glamour-fest simultaneously old-fashioned and fresh. For this job, there really is no better host than Billy Crystal, an Oscars-hosting veteran. Although the humor wasn’t necessarily as brash as that of Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes, he brought a sense of class and history to the proceedings that award shows don’t usually have anymore.

Here are some awards that deserve to be given out to the best and worst moments of the night:

Best Presenter: Emma Stone took the cake with her fake comedic banter with Ben Stiller. She is definitely future host material.

Runner-up: Robert Downey Jr. filming his own documentary on stage while presenting the award for Best Documentary. Mostly because he “Tebowed” before going out on stage.

Most Gratifying Win: Meryl Streep. While she suggested that viewers might be bored with seeing her take the stage for an award, it’s been 28 years since she won an Oscar- about 27 years too many if you ask me.

Best Acceptance Speech: This would have to be a tie between Meryl Streep and Christopher Plummer. Meryl Streep has managed to be the best actress in Hollywood while still seeming modest. However, after Christopher Plummer stared longingly at the Oscar and said, “Darling you’re only two years older than me! Where have you been all my life?” I was pretty much sold.

Best Display of Talent: Cirque du Soleil. It suddenly makes us question all the talent that was being awarded during the show when someone does 12 flips rapid-fire and lands like a jungle cat.

Funniest Moment on the Red Carpet: Nothing will ever beat Sacha Baron Cohen dressed as “The Dictator” dumping Kim Jong-Il’s fake ashes on Ryan Seacrest. It was even better that Seacrest was genuinely pissed off.

Funniest Post-Oscar Coverage: Immediately post-Oscars, Twitter fiends had already created pages for Angelina’s audacious right leg and Jennifer Lopez’s coy left nipple. Perfection.

Runner-up: Jimmy Kimmel’s movie trailer for the best movie ever made, Movie: The Movie. Let’s just say it should have been nominated for Best Picture.

Worst Presenter(s): Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz. Why they were even there is beyond me. Then they tried to do some sort of comedic gimmick by turning their backs to the crowd. Oh, and not to mention Jennifer Lopez’s potential nip-slip. Train wreck. Ladies, go back to your C-grade romantic comedies in shame.

Worst Mid-Show Segment: Christopher Guest’s comedic team reunited to reenact the first audience screening of The Wizard of Oz. Although this could have been drop-dead hysterical, it fell short and probably should have included more notable stars.

Worst Omission: No singing renditions of the nominated songs, “Man or Muppet” or “Real in Rio.” Just because the songs are from kids’ movies doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be sung. What better way to shake up a dull awards show than bringing out fake jungle scenery and crooning about toucans?

–Mackenzie Bronk