Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife. The Republicans are redefining rape.

At least, that seems to be their priority issue as of late. As the House of Representatives nears a vote on H.R. 3, the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act,” the GOP has stepped up its efforts in an attempt to severely limit federal funding for abortion.

The bill, which House Speaker John Boehner has continually labeled a top priority for his party, was first proposed by Republicans in an attempt to prevent employers from offering insurance plans that would cover abortion. By eliminating any tax deductions that employers could claim for offering such plans, the bill essentially removes any incentive for employers to provide abortion coverage.

But that wasn’t enough for the GOP. The Hyde Amendment of 1976 already forbids federal funding through Medicaid to be used for abortions except in cases of rape, incest, or endangerment to the life of the mother, but Republicans saw that as too generous. Instead, initial proposals of the “Abortion Act” used language that would limit these exceptions to only “forcible rape,” meaning statutory rape would not be covered.

In other words, as long as a 14-year-old girl gives her consent to a 30-year-old predator, she’s exempt from federal assistance when her mortified parents seek an abortion.

It’s no surprise that such a disturbing redefinition of “rape” was met with furious protest. After sustaining a barrage of criticism from outside advocacy groups, Republicans finally doubled back and removed the controversial language from the proposal.

Sort of.

While the “forcible rape” language is now nowhere to be found in the actual bill, the GOP has managed to sneak similar provisions into a committee report, a document that is typically included with a Congressional bill in order to spell out the bill’s exact meaning and intent.

And the GOP’s intent is clearly spelled out in this latest document, which stipulates that H.R. 3 will “not allow the Federal Government to subsidize abortions in cases of statutory rape.” Essentially, nothing has changed; the bill still aims to redefine the idea of “rape.” But Republicans continue to make unsubstantiated arguments that their version is no different from the Hyde Amendment.

For the record, the Hyde Amendment makes no distinction on different types of rape.

Supporters of the bill, such as Douglas Johnson, argue that the new limitations aim to prevent “the abortion of tens of thousands of healthy babies of healthy moms, based solely on the age of their mothers.” Republicans seem convinced that “tens of thousands” of teens would use statutory rape simply as an excuse to run out and get an abortion, not because they were sexually exploited, but because their age offers them a loophole.

Ah, the wonderful perks of being young.

The truth is, this is merely another poorly masked attempt by the GOP to hijack healthcare and to defund the poor’s support system. It’s simply the latest in a piece-by-piece dismantling of any reform the previously Democratic-controlled Congress was able to achieve, which wasn’t much to begin with. Now that Republicans control the House, they see it as an opportunity to slash spending, which wouldn’t be so egregious if it wasn’t done in such a backwards and underhanded manner.

Congress needs to realize that there are plenty of ways to save money, but narrowing the definition of rape isn’t one of them.

Armen Changelian is a Weinberg sophomore and DAILY blogger. He can be reached at [email protected] and followed at twitter.com/shroomalogs.