Every female park ranger I’ve ever seen has had the same unfortunate hairstyle: the single French braid.

The gender-neutralizing knee-length khaki shorts, hunter green polos and Smokey Bear hats are bad enough. But to top it off with a hairstyle from the cover of a Baby-sitters Club novel? That’s taking the tacky too far. This odd phenomenon has mystified me every place I’ve traveled, from Sequoia National Park in California to Iowa’s Pleasant Creek State Recreation Area: Why do our nation’s female personifications of eco-friendliness choose to be so consistently frumpy?

But today, I shudder to admit, I too became a French-braided female Captain Planet – because, as it happens, that is the world’s only hairstyle capable of withstanding the leftover grease of two-minute showers and the lack of styling tools that comes with saving the Earth.

It was a daylong venture of drastically reducing my carbon footprint, or “going green.” Why? Polar bears are dying.

The whole concept of going green is centered on one idea: Consume next to nothing, and recycle everything. That is, save energy, save water, save gas, save food. As I embarked on my eco-adventure, I first encountered the water problem. I was not willing to compromise on the issues of washing my face or brushing my teeth, but I did take a two-minute shower – about one-tenth my normal length.

I came back to my room feeling dirty and kept the lights off. Sure, it felt like I was living under a rock, and I literally got dressed in the dark. But I assume I saved at least an ounce of energy.

Then it was class time. Saving energy means turning off your cell phone and leaving your computer at home. Needless to say, without a timepiece I arrived late, and without a computer I took no notes. When the professor attempted to hand out our final study guide, I refused it, citing a moral dilemma in accepting the product of deforestation.

After class it was off to Norris for lunch. But wait, what does eco-friendly mean when it comes to food? Was I vegetarian? Vegan? Do I just absorb energy from the sun like that lady I saw on “Wife Swap” once? I took a fruit cup just to be safe – though the plastic afforded another environmental conundrum.

In the afternoon, I tried to think of things to do. SPAC was out of the question because the elliptical plugs into the wall. TV, Facebook and homework were all on my computer. I had no idea where anyone was because my phone was off and at home.

Miserable and bewildered, I wandered back to my room to read and re-braid my hair in the dark.