When faced with an uncomfortable topic or the dictates of political correctness, we can count on euphemisms. Euphemisms are there to help us distance ourselves as far as possible from such distasteful activities as having sex or dying, even as we talk about those very activities. We may do them, but that doesn’t mean we have to refer to them directly!
I support manners and even use them sometimes, but endless euphemizing is getting exhausting. As we continue to use initially harmless words to refer to various unpleasantries, these words are in turn slapped with negative connotations and replaced by other words. Take the evolution of the term “lame.” “Lame” gave way to “handicapped” which gave way to “disabled,” and now the most politically correct term is “differently abled.” I recently heard the term “handi-capable,” which doesn’t even make sense. It’s a vicious cycle, and to be honest, I think it’s kind of lame.
The onward march of euphemisms is called the “euphemism treadmill,” and like any other treadmill, it makes me wonder if it’s worth the effort. What’s more, the older you get, the harder it is to stay up to speed. I cringe when my parents ask me if I’m “hooking up with” so-and-so when they should say “meeting.” I’ve never bothered to inform them that my generation has appropriated the term “hooking up” to mean sexual activity, though, because soon enough we’ll be calling sex something else. Something arbitrary and ridiculous, like “smushing,” which is now only what you do to Play-doh. Oh wait, we’ve already started calling sex “smushing.” In this day and age, no word is safe.
The subject of dying is another euphemism wellspring. It’s okay to talk about birth, but we avoid the d-word and instead say “passing,” “departing,” “going to a better place,” even “graduating.” It’s easy to see how euphemania can create ambiguity and confusion, such as when a girl who’s told she looks “healthy” worries she was called fat, or when you tell your friends you’re graduating early and they put you on suicide watch. How do we know what anyone is saying anymore? It’s time to get off the euphemism treadmill, say no to connotations and revisit some good old-fashioned dictionary definitions.
But there is an upside to this madness. When you’re writing your résumé, euphemisms are your best friend. Euphemizing job titles can make you instantly more hirable; just follow the example of ticket inspectors in the UK, who are now known as “Revenue Protection Officers,” or garbage collectors in the U.S., now called “Sanitation Engineers.” I wasn’t a hostess over the summer, I was Senior Coordinator of Hospitality Administration. Don’t call it lying. Call it massaging the truth.
Weinberg sophomore Hayley MacMillen can be reached at [email protected].
