Oh Shhhhiiiiiiyugar! Whew, that was a close one. For a second there, I thought I was going to get an FCC (or newspaper equivalent) fine for swearing on paper. I could have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. That’s almost as much as a Northwestern education! But why is it swear words are considered so heinous as to deserve a fine? Why the huge taboo, world? They are, after all, just words, expletives, a means to express oneself – and yet, everyone is hesitant to say them.

They are censored, banned and even here, I, a supposed last bastion of free speech in a liberal-ish college newspaper, am forced to used alternatives such as bullpucky and cluck. Swear words are merely words of intensity and frustration. Are people wrong to be frustrated? If I went to Tech, the Rock or Norris, stood up on a chair and yelled “Effing shiza!” at the top of my lungs, it would be taken very differently from shouting, “I am incredibly frustrated!” and yet the meaning would be the same.

Our society has become so uptight when it comes to what people say that everyone walks around gingerly with tightened lips. We make up pointless substitutes like shoot, shenanigans and frick for no reason whatsoever, since even children understand when the narrator from “A Christmas Story” says “fudge,” he really means “uk-fay.” Come on, people, just how absurd can we be before we lose all of our integrity?

I used to think curses were looked down on due to their more “improper” definitions; however, even if you substitute these more vile meanings, they seem more comical than offensive.

“Go have sexual intercourse with yourself.”

“You’re full of feces.”

“You, sir, are a giant woman’s genitalia.”

“Excrement!”

On the other hand, I’ve recently begun to think it all comes down to human psychology. Perhaps humans just need that sense of taboo in order to create an emphasis for their feelings and anger, and if these words were not off-limits, they would lose their meaning. Maybe it makes us feel good when we use words that are associated with indecency and impropriety.

With cursing, you are allowed to vent frustration and express anger, stress and strong disagreement. In fact, a recent study conducted by Richard Stephens at Keele University in England found swearing actually eases pain and alleviates stress, so it turns out you’re actually better off calling that son-of-a-gun rock you stubbed your toe on a “son of a biznitch.”

So the next time someone swears in your presence, don’t be offended. Just understand they are stressed and heck, maybe you should even help them get unstressed.

Weinberg senior Kenny Levin can be reached at [email protected].