It’s Tuesday night in the Daily office, and we’re looking outside as we make final edits to this issue to see if we can see the Wilmette fireworks from Norris. I’ve been reflecting on the Fourth of July between printing pages, and I have to say that it is a little upsetting for me. The reason? I don’t have any memories of Fourth of Julys past.
I can remember some things, like the fact that we used to go to Gilson Beach when I was young, and for a couple years my family relocated to Indiana for a few weeks and watched the parade in Michigan City. But memorable Fourth of Julys? They’re surprisingly infrequent in my life.
It seems like every other holiday is more important. I remember the horrible Thanksgivings with re-enactments of the story of colonists and Native Americans coming together for that meal. I remember the letters I received back from Santa (yes, my parents actually did write me back sometimes). I remember those really good Halloween costumes and the fun Easter egg hunts. I think I even had a good Arbor Day in fifth grade (we were studying trees that day in science and had a party).
The Fourth, though, seems like a waste of a holiday. I’m not saying we shouldn’t celebrate America and the Declaration of Independence and all that, but for the most part the greatness of the Fourth of July passes me over each year.
Therefore, I propose we make a few changes to the day in order for every Fourth of July to be just as memorable as every New Year’s.
First of all, every state should sell fireworks. Since fireworks represent America, then you’re just un-American, Illinois, for making people go across the border to Indiana.
Second, normal fireworks are not enough. Sure, they’re fun to watch for a little bit, but let’s be honest: After the first ten, the show only gets exciting if you see a certain shape, or if fifty go off at once. So, we should institute a policy that only shaped fireworks and mass explosions can be used after the initial set.
Third, the day shouldn’t be about that half hour of fireworks in the evening at a crowded beach with mosquitos biting you. Even my family, which can shovel a normal meal down in seven minutes with Seinfeld in the background, can stretch Thanksgiving out to a few hours.
Finally, let’s revamp those parades. Instead of those cute little boy scouts? Firebreathers!
Or, you know, other things are fine too, but the point is to think outside the box here. We should have more activities during the day in general. Face it, if your kids aren’t in it or you’re not getting free stuff, parades can get sort of old.
I’m not saying Independence Day is falling into the same trap as Boxing Day (really, England?), but if we’re looking for patriotic but meaningless holidays, Flag Day already exists. Save the Fourth!
Reach Emmet Sullivan at [email protected].
