When Britney Spears took the stage at the San Diego House of Blues earlier this month, it seemed life was finally getting better in this country. She performed what The Associated Press dubbed a “short, sexy set” and everything seemed right in the world.
But then, disaster struck.
Britney wasn’t driving anybody crazy Sunday. She wasn’t driving at all. Instead she created a traffic jam as she stopped to change her son’s diaper. Now we all must wonder, when is Britney going to get hot again?
Since her days at the Mickey Mouse Club, Britney Spears has been the symbol of American virtue. Whether dressing up as a schoolgirl to stress the value of a good education or remaining a virgin, Britney gave young women in this country a role model.
Billions of women around the world pine for her guidance, but Britney is too busy changing diapers to change the world.
But poor parenting isn’t her worst injustice. It’s the message she sends to our youth that troubles me more. Take last February, for example, when she got a haircut even John Edwards’ barber couldn’t fix.
When Britney shaved her head, it sent a dangerous message to our young girls: “Imperfect is okay.”
All of the major news networks prominently covered the crisis. On CNN.com, the analysis of Britney’s hair removal was the most e-mailed video. Conservative bellwether FOX News had an entire section of its Web site devoted to the drug-filled antics of the woman they call “The Pop Tart”.
Even the limeys soured on Britney, with the BBC offering three different videos analyzing the falling star’s falling locks.
At least our young girls have toys like Barbie to send positive messages. Spears poses the greatest threat to our nation’s mothers. Who do you think bought all Britney’s CDs for their daughters and posters for their sons? Serves you right, Mom.
The woman who mothers once revered has turned toxic. While she may change her children’s oops (which they have done again) by day; by night Britney paints the town red. If nobody puts a stop to her, America’s mothers, too, will trade cribs for clubs. Congress must act now. The Democrats promised domestic policy reform. There can be no place more domestic than the home.
Nancy Pelosi (a six out of 10 at best) should adopt legislation I’m dubbing the “Pretty Important Act,” which acknowledges Britney’s need for more hair and less clothes.
And the Republicans would gladly get on board. As a party which stresses family values, they have a lot to lose from Britney’s recent turns and tricks. They have the most experience with hard-partying drug addicts. They even turned one into president.
Some people will say that saving Britney would be a trivial pursuit. However, only by saving her can the country safely move on to bigger issues such as Paris’s DUI.