Oh my God. Did you hear that America and Syria are talking again? We were all supposed to be giving them the silence treatment, but then that Nancy Pelosi decides to skate on over and ruin the plan for everybody. She was all, “Hey everyone, look at me and my low-cut blouse! I bring a message of peace! I’m a big fat traitor!”

And she didn’t even just talk to one of them. She snooped around with three different guys over there last month. Three! “The road to Damascus is the road to peace”? As if a cheap one-liner can make up for the hideous beige suit and her solid crust of makeup. Face it, Nan, you can stage a nipple slip at a press conference, and the gavel will still be the only thing you’re banging.

And now look what happened. I thought Condi was one of us. One of the cool kids. But she’s been corrupted. Have you seen The New York Times this week? She’s living it up in “the cavernous hallways” of the “desert resort town,” having private rendezvous in the hoity-toity, pagan-sounding “Sun” room. Then she ducks out back to her hotel and leaves the Syrian guy with the paparazzi. Who does she think she is – a Hollywood celebrity on vacation?