It didn’t have to be this way. As United States Attorney General Alberto Gonzales edges toward his imminent dismissal, the White House needs to do a lot of thinking about where it went wrong. The Democrats, like Delilah, cut Kyle Sampson down when they discovered internal documents that indicate eight US attorneys were fired for not being “loyal bushies.” The press has dubbed this scandal “Attorneygate.” However, this whole mess could have been avoided if the President had just created an Attorney-gated community … in Guantanamo.
The federal prosecutors answer to Bush, and he can use their services as he pleases. He should have told the attorneys to pack their bags and prepare for a new assignment in luxurious Cuba. That way the attorneys could join Bush’s other extra-legal appointees.
The White House should reclassify all dissenting prosecutors as “combatant attorneys.” With their shiny new label, the prosecutors would be jettisoned to our island neighbor, whether they wanted to or not. Best of all, it’s completely legal. This is to say, it isn’t completely illegal.
Think those lawyers could use habeas corpus to turn this plan into a habeas corpse? Think again. Gonzales testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee that, “there is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution.” You might be skeptical now, but let’s just give the Attorney General the benefit of the doubt. First off, he is an attorney. Who better to know the law? Second, he is a general. Who better to justify a system of unjust imprisonment and torture?
This isn’t to say that the lawyers’ Guantanamo experience will be torturous. The tropical location affords many extravagances to its inhabitants. The combatant attorneys could enjoy a variety of activities, such as water boarding. If the attorneys tired out after a long day, they could retire to their bedrooms, complete with all the finest accoutrements, including a bed and a window. Of course, they wouldn’t stress too much. They’d never receive a trial. So, no pressure to take their work home with them.
But the President has not, thus far, sent the prosecutors on this free sabbatical. And now he’ll have to suffer the consequences. It might be less than a month before Bush is forced to replace his good buddy Gonzales with one of Dick Cheney’s friends. Worse still, the administration may have squandered the overwhelming popular support it garnered with the wars for enduring freedom. For the first time in history, the American public likes lawyers more than politicians.
This administration always acts according to the letter of the law and without regard to ethics. However, with Attorneygate, they forgot to slap us in the face with it. Now the only speedy thing about Gonzales will be his resignation.