By Tony EvansThe Daily Northwestern
The official January 2007 meeting of the National Society for Intolerance was called to order at 8 p.m. at the Outback Steakhouse in Skokie, Ill.
Roll CallChairman Charlton HestonSecretary Michael RichardsTreasurer Tony EvansHistorian Arthur ButzChaplain Mel GibsonJunior Member Isaiah Washington
Announcements
-The annual softball game against the NAACP has been rescheduled to Tuesday so that it no longer coincides with Monday’s episode of “24.”
-This week’s movie-night screening of “American History X” has been canceled. After consulting with several film experts, it was revealed that the movie supports an anti-racist agenda. “Cheaper by the Dozen 2” will be shown in its place.
-The Misogyny Bake Sale is scheduled for Feb. 28. Send your favorite sexist cookie recipes to Tony Evans. Proceeds from the sale will go toward increasing the gender gap in wages.
At 8:20 the society took a 10-minute recess to share two orders of the Bloomin’ Onion appetizer platter.
Committee Reports
-The Committee to Oppress Minorities reported that it was successful in its operation to steal Barack Obama’s favorite parking space.
-The Education Committee reported on its ongoing efforts to replace high school history textbooks with the Left Behind series.
-The Committee to Find Michael Richards Work reported that all available acting jobs were stolen by illegal immigrants.
-The New Members Committee reported that Junior Member Isaiah Washington is black and is therefore ineligible for full membership. Washington will be allowed to vote on resolutions, but his vote will only count for three-fifths of a normal vote.
Old Business
-Gibson moved to approve the minutes from the December 2006 meeting. However, scientific evidence presented by Historian Butz revealed that the meeting never took place. The minutes were not approved.
New Business
-Evans proposed a resolution to initiate a boycott of the “Chocolate Thunder From Down Under” dessert. In his report to the society, Evans explained that the dessert’s name was a reference to an unlawful sexual act. His report linked the dessert to deviant behavior and immoral amounts of deliciousness. Washington seconded the motion to boycott, adding that it was “gay.” The motion passed unanimously.
-Gibson proposed a resolution to tip the waitress 10 percent instead of the customary 15 percent, due to her excessive Jewishness. Motion was seconded by Heston. Motion passed unanimously.
The meeting adjourned at 9 p.m.
Weinberg senior Tony Evans can be reached at [email protected].
