By Laura MoorePLAY Columnist
Every December those of us who read magazines or newspapers, watch TV, or use the Internet are treated to an influx of top “whatever” lists to mark the very best, worst and, well, “whatever-ist” things of the previous year. If it happened, chances are it made a list somewhere. Even if it was only Chad’s MySpace presents “the top 10 reasons he’ll celebrate New Years alone… again,”” it still counts.
Well since the column for Fall Quarter ended before Thanksgiving, AKA too soon to get in on the end of 2006 list extravaganza, I’m starting 2007 with a list of my own. I’m not looking back on the clusterfuck that was ’06; I’m too proactive for that. No, I’m looking ahead. Behold! It’s the top 5 things Laura would like to see in pop culture in the coming year:
5. No celebrity vag (vaj?). This year, I hope Hollywood “It” Girls decide to close up shop and go back to racking up the DUIs in desperate bids for attention. Hey, you know what they say: No one wants to buy the cow when you’re flashing the udders every time you get out of a limo.
4. The return of Oprah’s “Favorite Things” episode. Yes, Oprah did donate something like $40 million to build schools in Africa. Hooray. But you know what she didn’t do this year? Give thousands of dollars worth of awesome gifts to her (likely) middle class audience. Educating Africa’s young people isn’t going to get Denise from Highland Park that digital camera she wanted, Oprah. You selfish, selfish woman.
3. Justin Timberlake. He’s coming to Chicago in March. SO excited. Eeeeeeee!!!
2. More mainstream shows using previously unknown/underground artists on their soundtracks, thus totally undermining music snobs across the globe. Oh, that obscure Argentinean band that only plays shows from 2-4 a.m. on Feb. 29 that you heard about from some hobo on the street while you were reading an existential novel in Paris last Spring Break? Oh yeah, I know them, they were playing during that tender moment on Ugly Betty last week. Sucka.
1. Less of me and you and everyone we know. Do you know who was Time Magazine’s Person of the Year in 2006? You were. Oh, and so was I. And everyone on Facebook, MySpace (even Chad), anyone who put something on YouTube or really anyone who bought that particular issue and looked into the mirror on the cover. It was the cop-out seen round the world. Time is just perpetuating the myth that regular people deserve the spotlight. They don’t. There is a reason regular people don’t win Oscars or the Super Bowl or become president. It’s because special people are doing it. We really just need to fade back into oblivion where we belong, and if we can go ahead and do that, I have high hopes for 2007.
Medill senior Laura Moore is a PLAY pop culture columnist. She can be reached at [email protected].
