By Josiah Jenkins
Now that Election 2006 is in the books, political pundits and peons alike can look ahead to 2008.
After taking away strongholds in both the House and Senate, those “macaca” Democrats are looking better than ever. The American people continue to tire of the current administration, and the Dems look to ride their swift boat to presidential success behind their fearless captain, Hillary Clinton. But there’s one red-stater left who can give them the blues: George Bush.
No, I’m not talking about George Bush Jr., although he does seem ready to take on responsibility after years as figurehead for the Cheney administration. Rather, I am referring to George “Big Papi” Bush. He’s the only candidate with experience, poise and the name necessary to make this column’s headline work.
If you make a list of today’s big issues, you’ll find that George Sr. has experience with them all. George Bush Jr. has taken three and a half years just to get us halfway through a battle with Iraq. Bush Sr. got us into and out of Iraq in half that time.
If you think Hugo Chavez represents a threat to America, then you should consider Manuel Noriega. Who is Manuel Noriega? Exactly.
But you’re concerned with issues a little closer to home. What about domestic issues, you say?
Well, Lil’ George promised to cut taxes, and cut taxes he has. Even as his administration continues to spend extravagantly, our tax rebate checks (well, our wealthy parents’ rebate checks) continue getting bigger.
But don’t expect the same from Big George. Americans read his lips and heard there would be no new taxes. Then they read the new tax booklet and found out there would be. Bush Jr.’s “Stay the Course” mentality has doomed him. Isn’t it time we let somebody not do what he said?
But this is America, and if you want to be president, you need an angle more compelling than experience or solid policy.
To win, Republicans must latch onto Bush Sr. as the ” Comeback Kid.” (Or “Comeback Dad,” if you prefer.) Maybe George is watching SportsCenter one day and he sees a computer simulation of himself beating the current champ. So he decides to get back into the ring. Americans love this kind of drama. But who will step into the ring (or at least throw their hat in there) to battle GHW?
The Democrats could look for experience. Jimmy Carter spent some time in the Oval Office. But that experience is overshadowed by his lackluster coaching during the 1980 Olympics, when the USA failed to bring in a single medal. Americans love their sports too much. They need someone more athletic. Now I know what you are thinking, maybe the Democrats should go with Barack Obama. Well, I’m sorry, but not every black man is an athlete.
That brings us full circle to Democratic Captain Hillary Clinton. After eight years of political involvement as first lady, she’s got the necessary experience. She knows the White House inside and out and has decorated both sides. But beyond that, ‘Legs’ Clinton represents her home, New York, like none other. The Bush-Clinton rematch would be an electoral powerhouse.
They say that history repeats itself. The least we can do is let it happen.
Weinberg senior Josiah Jenkins can be reached at [email protected].