Sitting in the gray-walled Foster Walker-Complex dining hall one night, I slammed down my cup and screamed, “I can’t take it anymore! I need physical contact!” Everyone just kind of looked at me, with one of those nervous smiles as if to say, “Honey, you can’t be serious.”
I was serious though. I just wanted a real hug. This surprised me because I usually shudder at the thought of sweaty arms around my designer coat. But have you ever just craved a big bear hug? Don’t be ashamed to admit it – you know you have.
Alright, Northwestern, it’s time to admit it: We are so awkward, even hugging freaks us out. When was the last time you really hugged someone? Sure, you can remember the last all-nighter you pulled, but can you remember the last time you wrapped your arms around another human being instead of around a calculator?
This is an outrage. We’re all here to get a good education, but who says there is no room for hugging in college? Hugging can reduce stress! According to Tiffany Field of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami Medical School, the stress hormone cortisol is reduced when people touch.
So head over to Norris University Center with arms wide open. Some of you do make feeble attempts. Even though you try to hide your inner-hugger, the second you hug me, I can tell what kind of hugger you are.
Introducing the rare and elusive NU huggers:
The patter: Two pats on the back, no hip contact. I will initiate a hug, and you will just lie there like a tinned Vienna sausage with your hands down by your side. You will then feel guilty, and not knowing what to do, you will reach up with one hand to lend two abnormal pats on the back with your face twisted up like a raisin.
The neck strangler: You can’t help it. You are short. (Anyone under 5 feet 4 inches can’t hug – it’s your tragic flaw). You will stand on the tips of your toes and throw your arms around my neck while I choke.
The squeezer: While hugging, you will deliver squeezes at random intervals like a snake trying to devour a rat.
Hiss.
The knock-me-off-my-feet-hugger: You deliver a swift hug, then pick me up from the ground, sometimes swinging my dangling feet over the floor and sometimes dropping them. You suck.
The rapid hugger: You make me question whether you’ve hugged at all. The hug is over before it began, leaving you hugging a shapeless piece of air.
The like-to-hug-all-the-time hugger: You are crazy. You love to hug for absolutely no reason at all. “You got your hair cut!” Hug. “You bought a pair of socks!” Hug. “I hate you!” Hug.
This collective poor hugging performance can be solved with practice. Go hug someone. Anyone. But not me. That would just be sketchy. And besides, I’m not really the hugging type.
Jasmine Wiggins is a Medill sophomore. She can be reached at [email protected].
