In honor of the Chicago Cacophony Society, the subject of the incredibly amusing yet strangely ideological cover story on page 3, I will write a completely nonsensical column. For any Northwestern students looking to create a little chaos on campus for the sake of self-amusement, here are some suggestons for Evanston-based Cacophony:

Go to a restaurant/bar dressed in a costume exemplifying the name. Walk in, sit down and keep a straight face while ordering. Some suggestions: Unicorn, Burger King and The Keg.

Advertise for a crazy, off-the-wall, mind-blowing party with promise of lots of action, then when people show up, have non-alcoholic beer and Yahtzee! set up with the Spice Girls playing in the background (preferably “Spice World,” not the inferior debut, “Spice”). This can also go under another list I have called “Things to do when you want to get beaten up by jocks and be really unpopular.”

Find all products advertised as “unbreakable” in your room and test the limits to the claim. I thought of this one thanks to my father and uncle during a particular Christmas that involved ornaments, a baseball bat and the broad side of a house. Needless to say, sometimes companies lie.

If you’re a guy, rush a sorority with a horrendous female disguise; a ’70s machismo mustache and a cheap blond wig come to mind. If the sisters complain, bitch about discrimination.

Dress up as a crossing guard for the intersection in front of The Arch and help students avoid cars (and avoid finding yet another reason why their body doesn’t work right at college). Extra points if you’re a guard for a spot along Sheridan without a traffic light.

As you can probably tell, I have a problem with being completely inane; It’s against my very nature — even this column has a somewhat logical progression. But if we take the Cacophonists seriously (is this a contradiction?), regular, socially-aware individuals such as myself can let loose once in awhile without the constrictions of ugly social norms. It’s these norms that tell us it’s not OK to walk down Michigan Avenue in pajamas and fuzzy slippers… or is it?

No, it’s really not, unless of course you don’t mind the stares. But the thought of doing things for the sheer sake of doing them is enticing. Does everything need to have a purpose? I suppose drinking ourselves silly is a form of meaningless activity, but come on, let’s be more creative. We do go to NU, after all. Remember when two guys ran through Moskos’ soc class in nothing but thongs and nipple tassels? That was great, and they didn’t do it with some future goal in mind.

Why am I working for nada over the summer? Because that internship will help me get a job when I graduate. Why did I just throw a bag of flour out the window? I don’t really know. Other than the cool splat it makes on the pavement, there is no reason why.

Communication junior Lindsay Sakraida is the PLAY editor. She can be reached at [email protected].