I always wanted to be a frat boy. And no, I’m not kidding and no, I’m not confused about my gender identity. But alas, I’m a girl, so it was a sorority for me.

I really liked my sorority most of the time. I still consider some of my sorority sisters my best friends. I can’t imagine not having them in my life. I even participate in the occasional alumnae event. But I also managed to be a really bad sorority girl. I was critical of the things I saw as ridiculous or hypocritical. I voiced my opinions at house meetings and through my writing, which wasn’t something my sisters really appreciated.

The ironic thing is that sororities have the most feminist of origins. The women who started them were among the first women in the country to attend college. They were truly pioneers in the quest for gender equality who formed sororities to have the same sort of support system that men had in fraternities. But as time passed, certain types of restrictions and behaviors manifested themselves in the Greek system and the paths of sororities and fraternities diverged.

When I was in college, frat boys just seemed to have more fun. Being a frat boy meant parties on your own turf with all of your friends there. It meant drinking at home and having the freedom to invite people over. And those people could even spend the night. At my college, guys weren’t even allowed on the first floor of most sorority houses. Alcoholic beverages couldn’t be consumed on sorority property even by people of legal drinking age.

The Northwestern Greek system is not identical to the one at my alma mater, but the same separate but unequal status exists. Why do sororities have house moms? Why is the sorority quad so far from the fraternities?

For me, being in a sorority was mostly an opportunity to grow. I had a place I truly felt was home and that made it easier for me to take advantage of the academic and extracurricular opportunities college had to offer. But it also sent me messages about gender.

I wasn’t allowed the same privileges and freedoms as the guys at the fraternity across the street from my sorority. This kind of gender polarization doesn’t help college-age men and women see one another as equals.

Yes, I have my entire life after college to consume alcohol at home and have guys over and do whatever else I thought frat boys got to do that I didn’t get to do. But four years of college is a long enough period of time that people sometimes just get used to situations and stop questioning them. I don’t regret being in a sorority, but I do worry about the fact that the situation was not one of equality.

Amanda Wolfman is a Medill graduate student. She can be reached at [email protected].