2004: Sex Odyssey?
For the last nine months, I’ve studied the sex rituals of college students. The only problem is, in less than 30 days, I will no longer be one of them. I’m being thrown into that scary black hole we refer to as “the real world.” Not that I have a job, or any idea what I will be doing. I just know that come June 18, I’m supposed to be a grown-up — something I’m not quite sure I know how to do.
I’ve had jobs and internships, so I think I’ll be okay when it comes to office etiquette. I’ve had to manage my money (sort of) in college, so I think I will be fine in that category. I’ll be living with friends. But what about sex and hooking up? How does that work? The mating rituals that we’ve become so accustomed to over the last four years are about to go down the drain.
Is it still ok to make out in the middle of a dance floor? Probably not. Is it no longer acceptable to just “hook up” with someone? Does that mean we’re seeing each other? My roommates and I have been struggling with these questions for months. Most of my friends are single and moving to new cities after graduation — they’re excited to meet new men. But there’s a little nagging fear that when they do, they might not be sure of the protocol.
In search of answers, I went to my most reliable source: my older brother. Having survived this transition three years ago, he explained the change between college and “real life” dating: “First dates aren’t at The Keg with a bunch of your friends,” he said. “You have to go to dinner, and then maybe a drink. And you don’t see each other every day like you do in college when you bump into each other on campus; you have to make plans.”
This was helpful but led to a whole new set of questions. When is it acceptable to make the phone call for the second date? The next day? A few days later? A week? And then there’s the question of hooking up. If you’re interested, what do you do on the first date? You don’t want to withhold too much and seem like a tease, but you don’t want to seem like a slut either.
And how many dates should you wait if you want to sleep with a guy? Are you expected to go around the bases in the proper order? It all seems so complicated.
I’ve been on one grown-up date in my life. While doing my Teaching Media in San Francisco, I met a guy at a bar, gave him my number and one night we met for drinks. I was so nervous that I had two Cranberry and Vodkas before he arrived. The date went fine, although I think it was the alcohol that transitioned me from awkward to sociable. And since I wasn’t that into him, I handled his repeated callbacks in a fabulously immature fashion: I screened them.
I don’t think these habits — getting drunk before dates and not answering calls afterwards — will cut it in the real world. I just hope I can find a good columnist to give me advice.