The female orgasm.
It’s a mystery to most men, and sadly, to some women too.
And there’s something about that word. Orgasm. It’s presented as untouchable. It’s something to strive for.Orgasm is something you have to achieve. A guy comes, a woman achieves orgasm. Even a dog responds to “come.” I’ve never seen a dog reply to the command “achieve.”
So it’s no wonder that orgasms have this elusive intrigue. In context, the word is used as if it were something truly difficult to do, er, have. And like I said, for some women it is. So what is there to do about it? I obviously don’t have a definitive answer.
But here’s what I think. Everyone needs to just relax and be patient. This goes both for men and women.
Relax. Girls, don’t let “when is it going to happen?” be the burning question that you can’t get out of your head. First of all, the more you worry, the longer it will take to have the orgasm. When your mind is focused on problems, you certainly aren’t in a state to experience the explosion of sensations that will await you when it finally happens. The worry inhibits the pleasure. Instead, just enjoy the physicality of whatever act you’re involved in, be it getting fingered, oral sex or intercourse. Enjoy yourself. The rest will happen when the time is right.
And guys, you need to chill out too. A woman’s orgasm is most definitely about her first and you second. A distant second. If you think she didn’t have an orgasm or you’re worried she faked it you should probably try something new instead of pouting. Something you should realize: If a girl fakes it, it is usually for one of two reasons: She just isn’t going to have an orgasm and she doesn’t want to upset you, or she’s tired and just wants to stop. If it’s the former, you should be flattered. She must like you a ton to care more about your feelings than her own orgasm. If it’s the latter, well, then she must be pretty tired. It’s awesome that you care about her orgasm and you want her to have the real thing. But want that for her sake, not for reassurance of your own virility.
Be Patient. Sometimes a female orgasm takes some time before it occurs. You can be hooking up all night and it can seem to take forever until finally, out of nowhere, you can tell an orgasm’s going to happen. Generally, it’s a lot quicker for guys. Know that, and don’t hold yourself to his clock. Sometimes you both orgasm at the same time, and that’s amazing. But that can’t happen all the time, so let your body take it slow.
For most guys if you do it, he will come. The same is not true for girls. Men, if you’ve already come you can’t just be automatically down for the count. She’s given you an orgasm, now she wants hers. This often means using your hand to finish her off. Be patient. Cause if you give her some extra touching and then she has her orgasm, she will be very, very, very grateful.
And in the end, the answer to the orgasm mystery comes down to one simple word, best explained in Wanda Sykes’ September appearance in Esquire’s monthly “10 Things You Don’t Know About Women.” “The quickest way to a woman’s heart is through her clit,” she says. “Diamonds are forever, but touching our clit can buy you two or three years.”