In high school, I had a love/hate relationship with my English teacher.

I loved him when he wore his gray turtleneck sweater to class. I hated him when he returned my papers with the word “vague” written in big red letters.

This, I am still convinced, was not my fault. Our entire generation eschews clear definitions, especially when it comes to relationships. We hardly ever know where we stand with the opposite sex and we are afraid to ask, for fear of rejection.

The problem with this is that, sooner or later, the frustration comes out — often in the form of drunken 2 a.m. phone calls.

“Hi,” you say, your voice somewhat slurred. “I just wanted to know what we are doing. What all this means.”

A few problems can occur with this type of phone call. One, it becomes clear to the other person that, despite all your claims to the contrary, you do want something more out of the relationship.

Two, you have lost all the power in the relationship. You have admitted that you care about this person more than he might care about you.

The only way to counteract, of course, is to ignore the other person. To feign noninterest. To not return their phone calls. To dodge their conversations and to go out with other people. A word of caution, though: Do this well enough and the other person might actually believe you.

At least, though, you will avoid a “DTR” — defining-the-relationship talk. These end in one of two ways: depression and deeper depression. The user often ends up more confused than when he started.

Another problem arises in how to end this type of relationship — especially when you are unsure it even exists. To end something, it logically should have a beginning. When a relationship does not commence it is rather hard to stop.

And so these things perpetuate. Six months after one of my best friends thought she had ended her “relationship,” she was still getting instant messages from the same boy asking her to come over and play caps.

If only relationships were like caps games, complete with rules, penalties and points. Then, even if we tuned in late, we would be able to know who was winning. nyou