What do girls want? For years now, I’ve been trying to figure out the answer to that question. And by “what girls want,” I mean, what girls want in a guy. And by “a guy,” I mean me.

I’ve tried asking girls, but it always feels like they’re not being completely straight with me. I even rented that movie, “What Women Want.” The only thing I learned from it is that Mel Gibson is a damn good actor. I totally believed he had magic powers that allowed him to hear Helen Hunt checking out his package. But for all my efforts, I still have no clue what girls are really looking for in a guy.

So I decided to research this topic a little. My initial (and only) research was a Google search. A search for “what women want” brought me to pages where I could buy the DVD to the movie. So I did.

But after I left the Amazon, I Googled “what women want from men.” From this search I came across a Web site called www.datingclass.com.

“Awesome!” I thought out loud. “Finally a Web site that can teach a loser like me how to pick up chickitas.”

I looked around a little and finally found an article titled, “What Girls Look For.”

I had found it. According to the article, “Girls like their men to be sensitive.” This is something I’ve heard for a while now. Girls want guys to be sensitive.

But then I realized something. And that’s when I got mad — madder than a white girl who can’t get tickets to John Mayer. I consider myself a sensitive guy.

Now you may be asking yourself, “What proof do you have for this claim, Dave?” My answer, my friend, is a little TV show called “Gilmore Girls.” Tuesday is “Gilmore Girls” night at my apartment. Every Tuesday night my roommates and I excitedly gather around our TV to watch the WB’s critically acclaimed show about a mother and her teenage daughter.

And here’s why I’m angry: Every girl I’ve ever told about how much I love this show is even less interested in me after I’ve told her than she was before. I may as well have told them that I was the second American Taliban. Or that I was the person who decided that it would be a good idea to have Jennifer Love Hewitt make another album. Why can’t they realize that any guy who’s as obsessed with a TV program targeted for teenage girls as I am must be sensitive? These same girls who profess to want a sensitive guy are completely repulsed by my love for this show.

But it goes beyond “Gilmore Girls.” I get the same reaction when I tell them about crying at that one episode of “Sports Night,” or how I bathe using a shower poof.

So I guess a sensitive guy isn’t what girls are looking for, is it girls? I didn’t think so. Most girls seem to want your standard guy who bets on the NCAA Tournament and listens to Eminem. You aren’t looking for sensitivity. You’re looking for machismo. You girls don’t want a guy who can be polite and make your mom laugh.

You want a guy who doesn’t even care about your mother, just about watching Monday Night Raw. (Please note: raw=war.)

Or maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about. But either way, I have to get going. “Gilmore Girls” is on.

Dave Wiemer is a Weinberg senior. He can be reached at [email protected].