When I was a freshman, my friends tried to make me say cuss words. They would get me riled up or angry, tickle me or hide my stuffed seal under the bed.

But their attempts were futile: I still say “golly gee” and “gosh darn it” whenever the spirit moves me. My roommate may try to convince you otherwise, but just ignore her.

This year my friends have a new mission: to make me skip class. They actually pick on me for going to class all the time.

Class is torture, after all – it’s mind-numbing and useless. Why would I want to go?

I tell them that I like class and that I like learning, but they simply don’t understand. Learning, fun? Class, worthwhile? You’re kidding.

But why in goodness’ name would anyone pay $25,839 a year not to go to class? If you do the math, skipping just one hour means you’re out about $60. That’s a pair of pants right there.

I am so tired of people complaining about classes and saying they’re a complete waste of time. “I get nothing out of that class.” “Those lectures are so boring.” “I’m better off just reading the books on my own time.” Whine, whine, whine. Then why are you taking the darn class?

If you skip class at some universities, you’ll have more than your grades to worry about. Financial aid recipients at Michigan State University and the University of Mississippi who regularly don’t attend class have to pay back federal funds; sometimes they’re completely cut off from receiving financial aid. The schools’ reasoning? Their money could be put to better use – like paying for students who actually go to class.

Here’s a little secret: You can take classes you enjoy. Promise. There’s no rule that says you have to spend every quarter in economics hell or poli sci purgatory. If you realize this week that you hate your Edwardian lit class, drop it. Switch to Russian Folk Music.

Don’t stay in a class because you feel like you should; stay in it because you want to. Last quarter I studied opera. I took a course on performing fiction. And you know what? I had fun.

Sure there are some lousy distros we have to sit through, but you can make the most of those, too. I was able to count a Greek mythology course as a philosophy distro. Ovid versus Nietzsche: You make the call.

If you’re not planning on cracking the binding on that anthropology book you bought at Norris last week, return it. Log onto CAESAR and log out of the class. (Sigh. Remember the days when we had to fill out a drop form at the Rebecca Crown Center?)

If you can’t find a worthwhile class to add, then just take three classes. Tell your parents you’re going to “really focus on these three classes because they could be, wow, pretty great.” (That wow is key. Trust me.) And you never know. They could be fantastic. Not your parents, the classes, although I’m sure your parents are swell.

So join me and become the Goody Two-Shoes you’ve always wanted to be. It’ll be great.

We’ll sit in the front row, turn in our homework on time, raise our hands to answer questions and stay up all night writing our final papers.

I’ll see you in class.