“‘Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College.” — Amy Poehler at the Golden Globes.

“I was going to come in and push you down the stairs.” — Jennifer Lawrence to Taylor Swift at the Golden Globes.

“In light of the recent attacks against my artistic integrity, I am retiring from all public life.” — Shia LaBeouf to his Twitter followers, after a series of plagiarism accusations and bizarre apologies. 

“I feel like I’m not on earth just to shake it and shake it endlessly, you know?” — Shakira, on her life’s purpose, to Glamour magazine.

“Thanks to Diane Keaton for bringing the awkwardness level to ‘the staff at Applebee’s is singing me Happy Birthday.’ #GoldenGlobes”— Damien Fahey on Twitter.