Hello, Wildcats! Let’s get right into it.

You know what phrase I hate? Losing your virginity. I didn’t lose my virginity. It didn’t go missing. It wasn’t like I dropped it, crawled around on the floor desperately looking for it and eventually recovered it in a shoe. (Though, coincidentally, I did have this experience with a birth control pill once.)

But that’s really only the tip of the iceberg for me regarding matters relating to virginity. The myriad of expectations and confusions is staggering. Let’s start off (as we so often do) with my personal experience. I would say I … got rid of my virginity. It had been around for too long and felt like a burden, even though I was only 16. I had been dating a guy for three months and he told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him, too — although in retrospect I know I didn’t. So what was the next step? Sex, of course.

Let me tell you, there was no candlelight, no revelations, no orgasm, and it hurt like a bitch. To the virgins who are about to stop reading: This is not meant to discourage you! Maybe you’re a virgin because it’s a choice you’ve made or maybe you just haven’t had the opportunity. I am (obviously!) not saying losing your virginity will be terrible. What I am saying is losing your virginity may not be what romantic comedies and TV shows would have you believe. There might be blood. It might be awkward as all hell. You might feel weird and you might feel elated. All of these things are normal. What’s really great is what comes after the initial experience – when you get more comfortable, relaxed and communicative (my favorite).

Things get even more tricky when we try to define exactly what it means to lose one’s virginity. Take a second. Come up with a definition. I can guarantee someone out there is going to disagree with you. Maybe all of my gender studies classes have ruined me, but to this day I have difficulty getting comfortable with one definition. As a good friend of mine put it, “Now I never know when I’m having sex and when I’m not.” Do you lose your virginity at the moment of penetration? What if you’re a lesbian? What if you have no interest in penetrative sex? Do you lose your virginity when your hymen breaks? What if you’re a man having sex with men? What if your hymen broke while riding a bike? Does the sex have to be good? Shouldn’t an orgasm be an integral part of losing your virginity? Why?

So many questions. I find I tend to ask a lot of questions and not provide many concrete answers, but I’m OK with this. I would hate to give you something definitive if I wasn’t entirely sure of it. I’d rather get you thinking and considering — get you plagued with the same questions I have. You’re welcome.

Coming back to my initial outburst, a wonderful teacher of mine once suggested we change “losing one’s virginity” to “a celebration of life.” Though I highly doubt that phrase will catch on, it’s certainly an ideal to wish for.

As always, send me your sex questions at [email protected].